Six really annoying things only motorcyclists know about

You put your riding trousers on. You put your riding jacket on. You put your rucksack on. You put your helmet and gloves on. You realise your key is still in your zipped-up pocket and you can’t get to it without taking a glove back off. Your neighbour, who drives, is halfway to work.

Finally you get rolling but you’ve forgotten to do up that little red popper that stops your chin strap whipping you like a dominatrix who happens to really hate you.

You’ve stopped to sort the chin strap out and no sooner are you rolling again than you develop an itch inside your helmet so intense that you want to put your head in a sandblasting cabinet.

You’ve been riding for a while, perhaps on the motorway, and you take your feet off the pegs to stretch your legs. Instead of providing relief, it triggers agonising cramp. Only standing up with both feet on the ground will fix it. And that’s tricky at 70mph.

It’s started to rain a little so you should put on those waterproofs but one more stop will destroy your now fragile grasp on sanity. You push on, taking a gamble that it won’t get heavier. You arrive at your destination looking like Kevin Costner in Waterworld.

Or you put your waterproofs on and they fail, as they consistently do, in the most undignified place possible. For the rest of the day it looks for all the world as though it’s your bum that’s sprung a leak.