Kasich and Cruz Get Together To Take Down That Big Bully, Donald Trump!
Kasich and Cruz Get Together To Take Down That Big Bully, Donald Trump!
Full disclosure; we have no idea how this discussion actually went, so we're speculating wildly.
Full disclosure; we have no idea how this discussion actually went, so we're speculating wildly.
Ted Cruz
We need to do something.
John Kasich
But what do we do?
Ted Cruz
Well okay. We could send him an exploding cigar?
John Kasich
That never worked on Castro, I doubt it'll work on Trump.
Ted Cruz
Okay. We could make up rumors that he drinks the blood of orphans to stay young?
John Kasich
...I honestly think that might be the truth. But look; nothing will stick. I mean honestly-he's okay with Transgender people using the bathroom, but boots queer kids out of his rallies. He says he's not racist, then his supporters do racist stuff and he offers to pay their legal fees. What could we do or say that he hasn't already done or said?
Ted Cruz
Nothing. You're totally right.
John Kasich
One of us could drop out, and run against him as an Independent?
Teddy Roosevelt
Not a good idea, fellows.
John Kasich
Good point.
Ted Cruz
Okay okay. No Cigar, no running as an Independent. What would Lincoln do?
Abraham Lincoln
Honestly? Probably be a Democrat.
Teddy Roosevelt
Same.
Ted Cruz
Super. Great. Thanks for that guys.
Abraham Lincoln
They don't call me "Honest Abe" for nothing.
Ted Cruz
Alright. What if we formed an alliance?
John Kasich
.....what....
Ted Cruz
I don't mean one of us drops out or anything, but there's got to be something we can do together.
John Kasich
Well- we need to win delegates. I could focus on the ones I know I'm going to win, and you can focus on the ones you've got in the bag. If we win all of the remaining races then at least he won't have the nomination by the time the convention hits.
Ted Cruz
Which ones do you have a better chance with?
John Kasich
New Mexico and Oregon...that's it I think.
Ted Cruz
Okay-I'll not compete in those, and you won't compete in Indiana.
John Kasich
Are you sure?
Ted Cruz
At least this way, we'll have a fight at the convention.
John Kasich
True.
Ted Cruz
So-deal?
John Kasich
What do we do if he wins?
Ted Cruz
......run as independents in the general.
John Kasich
Deal!
Teddy Roosevelt
........what happened to our party?
Abraham Lincoln
I don't know. Wanna go get a beer?
Teddy Roosevelt
Sure.