Six of the worst motorcycle design ideas

Or ‘flip-up’ stands, as they’re also known. The very minimum required of a side-stand is that, once tasked with holding your bike up, it continues to do so until you relieve it of that duty. A spring-loaded side-stand that flips up the moment the weight of the bike is taken off it (sometimes by a strong gust of wind) is like a ladder that walks away once you’re up on the roof. You wouldn’t want one on a beaten-up dirt bike, never mind a shiny faring-covered trinket like Ducati’s 916. And guess what.

How many times over the years did BMW designers have this conversation?

“Should we give this bike a single indicator switch like every other motorcycle that exists?”

“Umm. We could. Or, we could have one switch for left, one for right and one for off. Again.”

It’s only since about 2008 that the German firm has finally moved away from its bizarre three-button arrangement. Why? Was there a BMW designer who had three switches for every light in his house? One for on, one for off and one because he just really wanted three?

It’s a safety measure apparently. Because every year, hundreds of motorcyclists are attacked by clutches that feel ignored in the engine starting process.

Whatever the reason, it’s wrong, because it trains you to pull in the clutch every time you start the bike and then let it go. When you eventually do it in gear by mistake, the bike jolts forward when you release the clutch, catching you unaware and increasing your risk of dropping it.

We suspect the actual reason is that it’s somehow cheaper than making a bike that won’t turnover with the clutch out unless you’re in neutral.

Who is responsible for the Yamaha MT-10’s seat lock being on the under-side of the rear mudguard? Is it that man from The Fast Show who always said “Even better than that”?

Yamaha design chief: “Put the seat lock here, on the side, where people can get to it.”

Yamaha designer: “Okay.”

Yamaha design chief: “Where did you put the seat lock? Is it on the side where people can get to it?”

Yamaha designer: “Even better than that...”

If you have a sports bike, the tank will almost certainly be a bulbous lump that comes into contact with you and your clothing. That means it should be fit for the purpose of coming into contact with you and your clothing without getting immediately scratched. And yet manufacturers leave it to us to add tank protectors (like those pictured) to make it so.

A £10 sticker isn’t elusive technology. So why does it elude bike makers?

A sports bike without a tank protector is like a car with seats upholstered in paper. Car drivers would say: “Take this back and make it again. Properly this time.”

They must seem like a win/win to manufacturers: less metal/supposedly more desirable.

Imagine if a tailor tried to sell you a suit by saying: “But this one’s better, sir. It’s got a hole cut in it. Better for heat dissipation, you see?”

That’s basically what is happening.

Do wavy discs really make any practical difference to your ride? We mean really. Really, really, really.

No petal.