No, You’re Not Weird! But These May Be the Reasons You’re Still Single...

"Single and ready to mingle"? Or "single and ready to embrace my solo journey"?

Victoria Hicks
Created by Victoria Hicks
On Nov 7, 2023
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Did you know "Singles' Day" which falls on November 11th is an unofficial Chinese holiday and shopping event? It used to be coined "Anti-Valentine's Day" specifically for men to celebrate back in 1993 - but has since opened up to what we know it as today. Everyone unmarried celebrates by buying themselves gifts and enjoying presents. This makes Single's Day aka "Double 11" (in China) one of the most popular online shopping days in the world, like Black Friday!

There are several reasons people are single, the reasons can be as unique as the individuals themselves. Being single isn't a problem that needs to be solved, being single has it's perks! There's no one-size-fits-all answer, but let's take a look at the top 5 reasons you may be single...

1. Personal Growth

Sometimes we underestimate the positive power of personal growth! It's very much needed when you feel a bit trapped in life or stuck. If this is you at the moment - it's completely okay to work on yourself but remember that it's okay to invite someone in depending on where you are in this process. We all aim to be better versions of ourselves whether it's personal development, attempts to make moves in your career, or working on your mental health. When it comes to sharing your life with someone else, they should have your back and can help you work through those things in your life you're looking to improve. Vice versa, if you have the capacity you can be there for them as well. None of us are perfect.

This definitely doesn't mean forcing yourself to date while growing, but remember Rome wasn't built in a day and it can take some time. So if you're comfortable having someone by your side while you move up in your career or find healthy ways to work through anxiety. - go for it! Be gentle with and forgiving to yourself.

2. Lack of Opportunity

Maybe you simply haven't been able to meet the right person yet! Whether it's because you only use dating apps or prefer to meet people in person - the chance to meet someone hasn't quite come up. A good side step around this is to open yourself up to new adventures and hobbies - especially if you work a ton and aren't looking to get involved with close or distant coworkers. Our go-to is getting involved with activities you particularly enjoy - you're bound to find someone with common interests who you may also enjoy talking to!

The lack of opportunity can come from being introverted or shy - you may not be a people person so dating is tough. Take it one step at a time in this case, try speaking to someone you're interested in that you see at a place you frequent. It can be as simple as "hello" the first week and a kind "hope you're having a great day" the next. You don't have to go in guns blazing to meet someone, slow and steady wins the race sometimes.

If you're open to it and are looking to date, you could ask a friend who knows you very well to set you up on a date. Be sure to set boundaries with your friends and ensure they know exactly what type of person you prefer to be with regarding lifestyles or whatever is important to you!

3. Fear of Commitment/Self Sabotage

We've all seen it, or maybe we've been this person - self-sabotaging something out of fear. Whether it's because we aren't used to being with someone who cares so much (that it seems unreal) or you're afraid of dedicating a part of yourself to another person. Remember that even in a relationship, though it's a partnership (or group effort for our poly peeps), you can still be an individual and be your own person. A healthy habit is to do things for yourself, take yourself out, and practice self-care while in a relationship. Remember it's okay to have personal space and alone time while in a relationship. Your entire personality and interests don't have to surround your person'(s')! Don't forget to communicate what you're feeling - if you're overwhelmed and want some quiet time or a day to yourself, let your partner(s) know!

4. Healing from Past Relationships

Maybe you're ready on paper, but mentally you're not quite over your last relationship. We understand the lack of jumping into a new relationship is because you don't want to get hurt again. Remember to protect yourself, but that every person is different and not your ex.

We say this not to downplay any trauma or hurt because it's real and can last a long time. It's worth unpacking the baggage and building a healthier relationship with yourself. If you are on the verge of getting back out there, give them a chance until they prove otherwise that they're not so great. Even being transparent about getting back out there with the person you're pursuing can lend itself to a healthy amount of support.

5. Enjoying Independence

Have you ever been single for so long that the idea of being in a relationship is exhausting? Cherish and value your independence while single! Celebrate it even! You're in a place where you may not want to consider a partner's needs or preferences. This doesn't mean you're a bad person or weird, just means you enjoy being up to get up and do whatever you need to do for you.

For those of you who are enjoying your independence, but have an itch to date too - great news you can STILL have your independence! A relationship shouldn't make you or define you. You're one-half a relationship - meaning you have your own interests and can still do stuff with your friends with and without your partner(s).

Did any of the reasons above resonate with you? Which reason are you currently single? Remember, despite being single you're still an amazing and loveable person. A relationship shouldn't define you - being single can be deeply fulfilling for many people. Take whatever time you need to work through the reasons you may be single. It's beneficial to get a career in order and work through mental barriers that are preventing you from dating. Don't let anyone rush you or pressure you into finding someone just because they feel you should. Do things at your own pace! You got this. ✨

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