If They Could've Text During The American Revolution... It'd Look A Lot Like This!
If They Could've Text During The American Revolution... It'd Look A Lot Like This!
Disclaimer; this is just (historically accurate) conjecture.
Disclaimer; this is just (historically accurate) conjecture.
Parliament
Whaddup Thirteen Colonies! Gimme all yo money!
Thirteen Colonies
Yeah, we've talked about this a bunch over here, and we're not so down with it.
Parliament
...yeah no, we're like in charge of you and stuff. Give us your money.
Thirteen Colonies
Okay; we'll give you our money. Sure. If we get to send our own representatives to Parliament. Okay?
Parliament
....Okay we don't want to make this awkward or anything, but that isn't going to happen. If you did it, all of the other Colonies would want it, and to be honest we work in a tiny hall, and there really aren't even many seats left, and honestly it's so cold here all the time- you really wouldn't like it anyway.
Thirteen Colonies
...We asked nicely.
Now we'll have to do something else.
Don't say we didn't warn you.
Parliament
Shaking in our wigs over here, guys, really shaking in our wigs.
The East India Company
Hello! We've got a whole lot of tea here! To whom can we deliver it?
Sons Of Liberty
Hello yes, we'll take care of this for you. We are peaceful Mohawk Indians.
The East India Company
Great! So just sign here...
Sons Of Liberty
SURPRISE!
The East India Company
WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY BEAUTIFUL TEA?
Sons Of Liberty
We're not Mohawk Indians! We're the Sons of Liberty! And you can shove your tea up your-
The East India Company
THAT'S IT. I'M TELLING PARLIAMENT.
Parliament
What on earth is going on?
Thirteen Colonies
No taxation without representation. We warned you.
Parliament
Not the tea! Anything but the tea! Right. You asked for this...
George III
*signs The Coercive Acts into Law*
Thirteen Colonies
NOT COOL. IT IS SO ON.
Parliament
okay, yeah, whatever. What are you gonna do?
Thirteen Colonies
This.
Provincial Congress
HELLO.
Parliament
And what are they gonna do?
Provincial Congress
*appoints George Washington Commander in Chief*
George Washington
Hello folks.
Parliament
Well shit.
*Appoints Lord North and General Cornwallis*
*sends forces*
WE COMIN.
George Washington
Super, see you soon.
Lord North
Soonish. It's a big Ocean.
George Washington
Great!
*makes meticulous plans*
General Cornwallis
Hey-Lord North-how do you want to do this?
Lord North
I dunno-I'll ask George.
George III
*King George is out right now-he's taking a mental health day. Please leave a message and someone will get back to you*
Lord North
....Well-I guess we improvise? Show up and shoot a bunch of people, usually works.
George Washington
Yup! Do exactly that!
General Cornwallis
We'll be fine as long as they don't have any kind of organized force.
The Continental Army
Howdy, y'all ready to git on down?
General Cornwallis
Provincial Congress
Oh also- *signs declaration of Independence*
Lord North
RIGHT. Let's get to it then!
George Washington
General Cornwallis
You'd better try a little harder than that, old chum.
George Washington
Lord North
Close, but no Cigar.
The Continental Army
Parliament
Crap.
George Washington
Well, that's all folks. Thanks for the exercise, but we've got a country to run.
Parliament
Oh yeah? And how are do you plan to do that without a king?
Provincial Congress
I'm sure we'll think of something.