What Kind of Traveler Are You?

Congratulations! If there was a way to win the quiz (there isn’t) you would have just done
it! You practically hitchhiked your way out of the womb and have been racking up frequent flyer miles ever since. Much to everyone’s dismay, you probably use words like “worldly” and “well traveled”to describe yourself, and you almost certainly have one of those push-pin maps
hanging on your bedroom wall. Sorry — you had one of those push-pin maps until you backed
out of your apartment lease to save money for a hiking trip to Peru. Although no one would
argue that your collection of passport stamps is unimpressive, your vast knowledge of- and
undying passion for travel is likely the result of some deeply rooted commitment issues. What’s
more, you’re starting to seriously toe the line between travel guru and homeless person, the
latter of which is way less chill than the former. Unlike everyone else who’s taken this quiz, you
should probably travel less. Go make a friend that you didn’t meet in a hostel and find out what
else there is in life besides airplanes and bar crawls. Oh yeah — one more thing — please,
please get that “carpe diem” tattoo removed. It is not, and never was as cool as you think.

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You’re kind of a basic b****, but who isn’t these days. On the one hand, you’re putting
yourself out there and experiencing the world on your own for what is likely the first time. On the other hand, you’re likely a walking cliché of American stereotypes. Does that hurt to hear? Well maybe you should have thought about that before you packed not one but two selfie-sticks. Here’s some advice: Stop posting to Facebook and Instagram every five minutes and go meet some local people. No, the other exchange students that you met at the happy hour at
O’Doyle’s Pub don’t count. What are you doing at an Irish bar in the middle of Spain anyways?
What’s that? How did we know you’re in Spain? Because you’re a study-abroad student. That’s
how. Don’t be too hard on yourself though, every traveler starts out just like you. You’re on the
right path, and while you may be as basic as they come, you’re probably still having more fun
than anyone else during your study abroad months. Anyways, don’t let us rain on your parade.
Leave that to the pickpockets in Madrid.

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You’re not a traveler per se but rather a legitimate barstool. Why is that, you might ask?
Because you’re a permanent fixture in the hostel bar. You rarely venture outside and when you
do it’s generally just to walk next door to the other hostel’s bar. Explicitly or not, your one-and only priority while traveling to to get blitzed in various locales. If this result comes as a surprise
to you, you might want to stop by the local AA meeting while on the road — acceptance is the
first step. If not, then enjoy every minute you have in whatever country you’re in, because you’ll probably have forgotten all about it in the morning. Drinking aside, you’re the type of person that sociologists refer to as a “drug-tourist,” and if you’re not in Amsterdam literally right now then you probably have plans to go sometime soon. You can name more international music festivals than you can U.S. presidents, and you’ve been to more music festivals than you have college classes. Your greatest talent is rolling your own cigarettes, which might not sound like much now, but is actually a pretty handy skill as far as your hostelmates are concerned. Nonetheless, you’re young, and you probably have a few more brain cells than absolutely necessary, so what’s another night out, right? Go get a Bud. Whoops! We meant go get’em, bud.

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You’re somewhat of a travel expert, but mostly in the ways that no one really cares
about. Sure, you’re the most streamlined person at the airport and the free upgrades to
business class that you get as a result of your airline status are pretty neat, but staying at the
airport Sheraton every night gets tiresome after literally one night. You’re basically George
Clooney from Up in the Air, but you don’t look like George Clooney and you’re not sleeping with
Vera Farmiga, so I guess the only similarity is that you travel a lot for work. That doesn’t sound
quite as glamorous, does it? Nonetheless, while all work and no play might make Jack a dull
boy, it also provides Jack with a steady stream of income and a healthy 401K. Take some time
off from work and try to remember that there is a very distinct difference between business
travel and, uh… what was that word again? Oh yeah! Vacation!

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To misquote Egret from Game of Thrones, “you know nothing, John Doe.” If you’re
confused, we called you John Doe because a) it rhymes with John Snow so the reference holds
up, and b) of all the types of travelers in this quiz, you’re the most likely to end up in the hospital or morgue without any form of ID, hence: John Doe. Given that you’ve never so much as crossed the street in front of your house, whatever made you think that a month-long solo
backpacking trip through Europe was a good idea remains a total mystery to us. You’re barely
proficient in English, let alone the native language of wherever you’re visiting. You consistently
refer to Africa as a country, and the only lessons you learned from watching the movie Taken
were not to purchase tickets to a U2 concert or watch anymore Liam Neeson movies. If you
make it home from this trip alive, you’ll be a better person for it, but no one is holding their
breath.

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