"I don't have any cell service here and it's making me have a rash."
"I buy myself a gift every year, so this year I bought everything I wanted."
"Everyone's obsessed with my Tumblr."
"You know why [Kim's] the most Googled person? Because she was Googling herself."
"Mom! Your hair is like shorter than a vagina's bush and you take so long!"
"I think if I'm 40 and I don't have any kids, I would have a baby artificially inseminated. I would feel like Jesus is my baby."
"Holding your pee is no way to live life."
"I realized that probably I'm just perfect and it’s everybody else around me that’s got issues."
"I start laughing at Kim when she's crying, 'cause I just can't help it. She has this ugly crying face."
"There's a lot of baggage that comes along with our family, but it's like Louis Vuitton baggage."