What Would Happen If J.K. Rowling And George R.R. Martin Had A Conversation About Writing?
What Would Happen If J.K. Rowling And George R.R. Martin Had A Conversation About Writing?
Our bet's on them talking 'bout death, like, a lot...
Our bet's on them talking 'bout death, like, a lot...
J.K. Rowling
Hi George! Thanks so much for coming to our weekly writers meeting! I need some advice.
George RR Martin
Fire away, mother of dragons!
J.K. Rowling
Okay....I'm working on this scene, but I can't figure out how to end it. I'm building to a big climax, but I'm not sure what to do with one character...
George RR Martin
Kill them.
J.K. Rowling
Wait, really? But this character is lovely! I think people will respond very poorly to their death...
George RR Martin
Hmmmm. Well that changes things slightly.
Kill them, in an incredibly gruesome way.
J.K. Rowling
But wait, I could use them at another point in the plot, or marry them off at the very end?
George RR Martin
Yes, you make very good points.
Do they have a cute pet?
J.K. Rowling
Yes, this character has a dog.
George RR Martin
Oh good!
Kill it.
J.K. Rowling
No! That's horrible! I couldn't do that!
George RR Martin
You killed an owl!
J.K. Rowling
That was important! That symbolized the end of Harry's innocence, the relinquishing of childhood comforts, and the acceptance of his own mortality! I hated killing Hagrid, but it was pivotal to the development of the character and narrative!
George RR Martin
I killed Ned Stark because he bored me.
They cast Sean Bean on the show, took all those pictures of him on the Iron Throne, and then killed him at the end of the season.
It was pivotal to the development of the audience, so that they knew that Westeros is my land, and I am a vengeful God.
J.K. Rowling
Right.
George RR Martin
I also introduced six direwolves, which were pretty much just really cute wolf dogs, and when I get bored I kill one of them off.
J.K. Rowling
Christ!
George RR Martin
One time, I made a character that everyone LOVED, like, absolutely ADORED. Then I decided that he sucked, and made him set his disabled daughter on fire.
And then I killed him.
J.K. Rowling
Right.
I'm seeing a theme here.
George RR Martin
Look, I'm a nice guy! I enjoy normal things like nice food, long baths, and pissing all over my readers dreams.
J.K. Rowling
Well George, thanks for the advice. Can I ask, what are you going to write next?
George RR Martin
I dunno, something light. I'm thinking a collection of romance stories centering around a woman who slaughters her lovers after six weeks. I'm thinking of calling it "The Black Widow Chronicles."
J.K. Rowling
I can't wait. I wonder how it'll all end.