What Is Your Destiny As Determined By The Gods Of Olympus?

On the day you were born, the gods looked down from the skies, and one of them chose your destiny and spoke it aloud, and then all the other gods had a big laugh about it because it was hilarious. You want to know what it is, don't you?

Linda Casablanca
On Oct 11, 2015

What is the most valuable lesson you learned from a book?

How would your friends describe your table manners?

Be honest. How smoking hot are you?

If you had the power to turn just one person into stone, who would it be?

You've been invited to a beach party at a nude beach. How comfortable are you with nudity?

How do people treat you when they first meet you?

Describe what is happening here.

Finish this sentence. True love is never...

You've just vanquished your enemies. How do you celebrate?

What is your greatest weapon?

What is this thing?

Your destiny was given to you by Zeus, King of the gods.

Your destiny was given to you by Zeus, King of the gods.

One day, you will rule all that you survey. Your enemies will suffer and your romantic conquests will be quite conquered, indeed. Then, one day Fred from accounting will complain to HR about all those lightning bolts you keep shooting at his butt, and you'll have to take a sensitivity training class. It will be very boring. Don't blame Fred, though. He was just fulfilling your destiny.

Your destiny was given to you by Hera, Queen of the gods.

Your destiny was given to you by Hera, Queen of the gods.

You will be the queen of your social scene. Everyone will want you to come to their parties. They'll invite you to their engagement parties, weddings, post-wedding brunches, and baby showers. You attend so many formal functions that you run out of clothes and end up wearing a g-string made out of Jordan almonds to a baby shower. You are the laughing stock of high society, but your crotch looks delicious, so whatever...let the haters hate.

Your destiny was given to you by Poseidon, god of the seas.

Your destiny was given to you by Poseidon, god of the seas.

You will have the power to talk to the creatures of the sea, who will be bound by Poseidon's law to do your bidding, no matter how weird and/or disturbing your demand. The only problem is that you won't know that you have this power until you win free passes to Sea World on the radio, and a killer whale stops his show to come over and take your drink order. You ask him for a Cosmo. He doesn't know how to make that, so you settle for a Cape Cod with no lime. Unfortunately, this whole exchange is overheard by some animal rights activists who happened to be there that day. They yell things like "whales are not your bartenders" at you. A dolphin named Lisa tries to explain, but she is very hard to understand, and they think she's saying that you've been enchanted by the god of the PEAS, which makes them think you're a vegan, so they leave you alone. Yay, Lisa!

Your destiny was given to you by Dionysus, god of wine.

Your destiny was given to you by Dionysus, god of wine.

One day, you will be the biggest party animal in the world. You will party in castles, casinos, yachts...but your biggest goal is to party on Mars. You start throwing lavish benefits to raise money for your rocketship. At one of these affairs, a guy named Ben challenges you to a keg stand contest. You turn him down because beer just isn't your thing, but he persists. You try to explain that you prefer wine, but he just throws an arm in the air and yells, "keg stand!" over and over. Eventually, you decide to scrap the whole Mars idea and stay home and watch Netflix instead.

Your destiny was given to you by Aphrodite, goddess of love.

Your destiny was given to you by Aphrodite, goddess of love.

One day, you will become the world's greatest lover. Everyone will fall in love with you. Royalty, presidents, CEOs, professional wrestlers, no one is immune to your incredible charm. You leave a trail of broken hearts in your wake, until you meet someone who matches your incredible allure and charisma. You both fall instantly in love, of course. You go on a few dates to a club that you know about. It is there that you discover that you have completely different taste in music, and you spend the rest of your lives fighting over which stage to hit at music festivals. But you know....with love.

Your destiny was given to you by Athena, goddess of wisdom.

Your destiny was given to you by Athena, goddess of wisdom.

One day, you will wander into a library and discover that you are the smartest person who has ever lived. You run out of the library, go to a hobby store, and buy a Rubik's Cube. Then you realize how dumb that is, and you go to a think tank consisting of people who used to be the smartest in the world until you came around. You tell them how to solve all the world's problems and cure all of humanity's ailments. They laugh at you because they are too stupid to know that you're right, so you go home and watch the first season of Northern Exposure on DVD.