What sort of drunkard are you (according to Thomas Nashe)?
You're going out on the town tonight! Shoreditch won't know what's hit it. What are you most looking forward to?
Your mate is off to the bar. What early modern drink do you ask for?
The band's taking requests! What do you ask for?
It's your round! How do you call the tapster over?
You're feeling a bit peckish. What food do you order?
You strike up a conversation with a gorgeous stranger. You'd love to take them home and show them your woodcuts: how do you make your move?
Someone spills your drink. What do you do?
And finally: where in the inn do you prefer to hang out?
'The first is Ape drunke, and he leapes, and sings, and hollowes, and daunceth for the heauens'. I bet your neighbours *love* you.
'he flings the pots about the house, calls his Hostesse whore, breakes the glasse windowes with his dagger, and is apt to quarrell with any man that speaks to him'. Settle down, mate, settle down.
'heauy, bumpish, and sleepie, and cries for a little more drinke, and a fewe more cloathes'. I empathise.
'wise in his owne conceipt, when he cannot bring foorth a right word'. Don't listen to them, you're being perfectly cromulent.
'when a fellowe will weepe for kindnes in the midst of his Ale, and kisse you, saying; By God Captaine I love thee, goe thy waies thou dost not thinke so often of me as I do of thee, I would (if it pleased GOD) I could not love thee so well as I doo, and then he puts his finger in his eie, and cries'. We've all been there.
'when a man is drunke and drinkes himselfe sober ere he stirre'. Just in time to mar a prelate, huh?
'when in his drunkennes he hath no minde but on Lechery'. Oh, you're one of THOSE.
'when he is craftie drunke, as many of the Dutch men bee, will never bargaine but when they are drunke'. Best get some Bitterballen down you, or you'll be insufferable tomorrow.