What sort of drunkard are you (according to Thomas Nashe)?

DANCING

Feeling a bit more human, y'know?

The HOTTIES

A bit of a rest, it's been a tough week

A bit o' gambling

The intellectual conversation.

Seeing your besties, who are your crew, y'know, they're so great

Saturday night's alright for fighting! Or so you've heard.

Just, like, whatever he's having. A double of that.

Rhenish wine, because you classy.

Beer. Kinda weird tasting but it lasts longer than ale - gotta be good for you.

Cider. You're close to your roots, like Jenny from the block

Ale. Can't go wrong.

Your brown bastard's the only drink.

Sack and sugar - if it's good enough for Falstaff, it's good enough for you.

Metheglin (mead, but with herbs. Queen Liz's favourite!)

A bangin' hymn

Something that's good for sitting down to. Yes.

Your own composition, entitled 'Fair Friendship's Garland'

You know, that ballad, the one with a murder

Greensleeves, played slooooow

A roundel, you love a roundel

A shreddin' lute solo

A galliard, ho!

In song

Sexily

'Shorry, my frendsh and I would like...'

Nicely. The tapster's such a nice guy, isn't he?

You get a friend to do it, you're far too sleepy

You don't need to - you bribed him earlier to give your table extra attention

With threats

'Francis! Francis!'

An egg and butter

Haberdine (dried fish) and mustard

A capon! Make that three capons.

A big pie to share with all your friends

No time to eat! They're playing a TUNE!

Oysters from the Thames

Cakes and ale, even though you do already have some ale

Pickled herring. Possibly too much pickled herring, but who's checking?

You introduce them to all your friends as 'the one' and hope that'll force the issue

You neg them, having learned about this technique in a handy pamphlet

By quoting the immortal words of Sir Barry of Whyte

By dancing an energetic coranto

You try out some apposite quotes from classical sources, although you can't remember them too well

You bond over how you're both less drunk than the people you came with

You engage them in a battle of wits, in which you both pretend to hate each other until your friends produce letters proving the contrary

You don't, it's far too much effort

Completely fail to notice

Fall into a terrific melancholy

Get them to buy you a new, more expensive, drink

Write a poem about it

Carry on dancing. You're all here to have a good time, and it's just a bit of booze!

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Leave. You're far too sober for this kind of thing

Use it as an excuse to start taking your clothes off, erotically