I Bet I Can Tell What Your Sexual Orientation Is

Okay, the gif above is just for giggles, but you get the idea. Whether you're a manly gay or the more feminine version of gay that has now become an overly-used-in-the-media stereotype (with that in mind, sorry if the above image offends anyone), it's a never ending sea of pectorals, penises, and pretty stud muffins for you. Enjoy being gay (I hear it's more fun than being straight), and don't let any homophobic, ignorant "butthole" out there give you a "hard" time (inappropriate pun intended, of course).

Just like actress Megan Fox (who is featured above). To put it quite honestly, you're way too fly to not be bi. You like it both ways because you see the good in both sexes. Balls or boobs, penises or vaginas, men or women -- as long as they're hot, you're good to start taking off your clothes! Just remember to remind all the ignorant peeps out there that you are NOT gay and you are NOT straight, and you are probably NOT interested in having a threesome with any of them. Okay, you might be, but that's up to you. Shut down those annoying assumptions and have fun being with who you want to be with!

You are . . . *drum roll* -- the "L" word. And that's the best word of all, because "lesbi" real here. Women's bodies are like the greatest things on the whole dang planet. They're soft, they're warm, and they smell good. Plus, boobs are awesome. Like, REALLY awesome. Like, the universe wanted you to know how awesome they were that it gave you your own set! Women are great, and you should know that because you are one! Hopefully, you're already living the "L Word" lifestyle -- minus all the breakups and crying, of course. And as you navigate life as a fellow Lez, remember this one rule: NEVER fall for a straight girl.

While you're certainly not AGAINST men who like men (you shouldn't be, anyway), you'd definitely choose boobs and women over balls and wieners any day! And that's totally fine. Women are like the most beautiful, amazing things on the planet, after all -- just ask the lesbians and the bisexuals. They get you. You should be friends with them. As long as you respect women and are not a pervert, you're good. And remember that you've got it made. As you probably already know, your orientation is widely accepted across the globe. That's fine of course, but when you're out there being straight, remember to stick up for the ones who are not. Enjoy loving women!

Whichever one you are, your sexual orientation is particularly special. While those of other orientations have limits, you have all the options in the world! Because you know the truth -- male, female, intersex, hermaphrodite, transgender, cisgender -- any such identities can belong to some seriously hot people! Just remember to remind the ignorant that just because you wouldn't mind a little bit of everything, it doesn't mean you're a sex-crazed nympho who's incapable of love. Whether you're monogamous or polyamorous, that's for you to find out. Have fun being pan or poly and don't give a flying f*** about what anyone else has to say about it!

Not that Ron Swanson is asexual, but you get the point of the gif. Why snuggle with another human being when you can snuggle into some pillows with coffee and watch BBC? Why eat out a person when you can just eat out at a restaurant? Why have sex when you can have strawberries? Sex is not for you, and that's totally cool. Sex is a distraction anyway! Now, whether or not you're ROMANTICALLY attracted to people - that's for YOU to find out. Until then, don't let anybody judge you, and just keep doing you! (pun not intended)

Let's face it. You like men, and you'll always like it when a man's *you know what* is inside your *you know where*, and that's A-Okay because men are sexy. Especially when they look like Calvin Klein models.