10 Historical Insults To Use Down The Pub

This insult comes from a character called Mr. Pecksniff from Charles Dicken's Martin Chuzzlewit. In it, Pecksniff likes to talk a big game about doing good for the people around him, but doesn't actually help out in any practical way. In modern terms, he's the bloke who'll share the winnings from your pub quiz team after spending the night eating peanuts rather than answering questions.

Usage: "I realized my housemate was a Pecksniffian when he started throwing out cutlery instead of cleaning it."

A person who has no control over their tone of voice, shouting at all times. Unfortunately, a loud voice doesn't always mean that the person has anything to say that's worth listening to.

Usage: "I wish I'd known Steve was a klazomaniac before I invited him to my great aunt's funeral."

A character type often seen in plays from medieval times, a mumblecrust is a toothless beggar. Today, it's best reserved for someone known to make dubious life choices on a regular basis.

Usage: "I hadn't seen Martin since he got sacked last year, but the other day I found him rifling through a bin down the road like your average mumblecrust."

This one's fairly literal — a person who's always ready to invite themselves to a party and enjoy the food and drink that's on offer. Popularized hundreds of years ago, but just as relevant today as it ever has been.

Usage: "The party is on Friday, but make sure you don't mention it to that smell-feast Chris."

Today, the word feist is used in some parts of the United States to describe a small, yappy dog — but its origins add a very different meaning. It comes from the Middle English word fisten, which is thought to have been used to refer to a fart with a smell worse than its sound. This is all true.

Usage: "I met your brother last week — he's a real feist, isn't he?"

Cacefuego is an old Spanish term that literally means 'fire shitter'. It's typically used to refer to someone known to boast about their achievements without having anything to back it up.

Usage: "I realized Michael was a complete cacafuego when he told me about the time he nearly signed for Real Madrid."

This insult comes from the county of Yorkshire in the north of England, and is best explained by the definition given in C. Clough Robinson's 1876 book Dialect of Mid-Yorkshire: a person who finds that "stupid conduct results in awkward mistakes".

Usage:" Did you hear about Stefan? The zounderkite thought he was sending the photo to his wife, but it ended up going straight to his mother-in-law."

A euphemism for the underrated career path of toilet cleaner. An unpleasant job today, but far worse in the days this insult was in most common usage, when the crapper was little more than a hole in the ground.

Usage: "He's a moron, not even fit to be a gong farmer."

Any person that sprays spit when they speak. Perhaps not something they can control, but certainly unpleasant for the other members of the conversation.

Usage: "If you get chatting with Barry, don't stand too close — he's a major bespawler."

Someone that has a reputation for laziness. It's thought that the word's origins come from scopperloit, which referred to a vacation — although holidays were presumably quite different before all-inclusive packages with local beers and the invention of cargo shorts.

Usage: "He's gotten too fat to play football with us, but that's to be expected when you're a scobberlotcher like him."