Which Remainer Are You?
What did you have for breakfast?
Leave Campaigners are...
What's the Best Country in Europe?
Who is the Most Trustworthy When Speaking About Europe?
What is Your go-to Reference Point for Spin Free Referendum Facts?
What's gone wrong? You did your Erasmus year, your College of Europe MA, a Commission "stagiaire" position (and a bit of lucrative lobbying after), and now these little Englanders want to siphon off the gravy train. This simply shall not do.
The sooner this bit of inconvenient democracy ends, the sooner you can go back to ruling Europe with your technocrat mates.
Were you one of the 364 economists who said Thatcher was wrong in the '80s?
Did you call on Britain to join the ERM? The Euro?
Did you fail to notice the largest financial crash since the Great Depression sneaking up on us?
Or did you simply conclude that the polls made it "mathematically impossible" for anyone but Ed to become PM in 2015?
Congratulations! You're an "expert".
Whether you're a nervous Trot, a risk averse Tory, or simply a "don't know, won't go" type, as a Eurosceptic Remainer you'll find yourself alienating all your Brexit buddies and loathing your new Remain friends.
Whether or not your reluctance will give way to what you have wished for all your political life on Thursday remains to be seen, but one thing is for sure - the next few months are not going to be any easier...
You've been inter-railing and seen the world, you drink a tea so obscure only a select handful of Tibetan monks know it exists, and you think the Guardian is a bastion of white male privilege.
And you will most certainly be voting Remain.
The EU might be a pro-corporatist institution for bosses and bankers, but you believe in the mantras of Greek politicians that the EU can change into a gigantic workers commune. Mostly, however, you just don't want to betray Jeremy.
Are you a Milifan still reeling from 2015's shock OMG result and in desperate need of some of that sweet, sweet victory your Tory Facebook friends (you don't have any real Tory friends) have been quaffing over the past year? Upvote Remain!
It's mega-LOLs to be in the EU and plus, Nigel Farage is like, really mean, and we shouldn't do what he says.
You were selected for your Eurosceptic credentials, you agitated for a referendum on the EU, you called for tougher reforms and... you backed the government in the vote.
On the plus side, if Remain win then that cushy cabinet post/safe seat will be that little bit nearer. On the downside you're seen as a fraud by your local party, and if Remain lose your career will never recover.