The Worst of E3 2019

Bethesda can suck our collective nuts. [Here's to never getting invited to a Bethesda event again - Ed.] We grew up playing Commander Keen and have amazing memories of it on PC. It was the first game that you could show your console friends and be proud of. The side-scrolling shooter was a blast and did things on PC that were thought impossible at the time. The series is legendary and every core entry stands on its own as a great.

So, when Bethesda announced another entry into the series old-school gamers lost their minds. A new Keen would be great to play and expose to our kids, showing them how far we have come. Then they announced the game would be some shitty mobile thing and everyone lost their interest.

We saw the display at the Bethesda booth and the entire week we never saw a single gamer, industry person, or media outlet stop by to get their picture taken or ask about the game. I'd rather the series be dead so we can look fondly back on the series instead of now having to explain that the Commander Keen game you like isn't the mobile atrocity taking up space on mobile stores.

The worst thing about this is that the game, at least visually, looks really neat. I'm into the idea of the original Keen's kids now on their joint adventure, and the Saturday morning cartoon look tugs at my heart. It's like Bethesda hates their fans as of late. Someone needs to stop them from killing themselves from the inside out. Oh, who are we kidding. Bethesda fanboys cry and cheer anytime the studio does anything.

It just isn't a good time to be a gamer over the age of thirty. Everything that you grew up with is being brought back from the grave, but for a new audience that will wonder why we ever loved these classic games. I say this because it feels like studios are pulling out old IPs not to make a great new game, but to earn a few bucks on the cheap at the end of a console cycle.

When Microsoft announced Battletoads last year, the team was super excited. It's one of the hardest games ever made and showed what RARE was capable of putting together, not only on the arcade, but squished onto an NES cart. It was a brutal game but one that was loads of fun. This new Battletoads? Well, I'm sure it's a game.

The game looks wickedly cheap. It's almost as if Rare has been bleeding money for Microsoft for years and they don't have any budget to bring back their classic IPs. One look at the trailer and you'll think this was just another Flash game built for a browser. Let's all just come to terms with the realization that RARE is dead.

The game reminds me more of the failed cartoon series pilot than anything video game related for the series. After getting Rash in Killer Instinct we thought a modern take on the brawler was possible. Instead we get this water-downed indie-looking title. It looks nothing like the source material, already looks dated, and the Dark Queen looks like bad Tumblr art losing all her sex appeal. Just stick to the NES game.

Please kill me. What is even the point anymore. It's like game publishers have just said "fuck it" to even pretending that they care about consumers or their history. At this point we are better not getting anymore reboots, new games in old series, or playing video games in general. So, how did Shenmue III, a game from a hugely successful Kickstarter and one of the most loved Sega series of all time, screw gamers?

Yup. Without a word, and buried in the fine print, Shenmue III is now an Epic Games Store exclusive. This after the game has a Steam Store page and was pitched for PC via Steam on the Kickstarter for the game. Hell, the page is still up on Steam at the time of this writing. And chances are fans aren't going to be getting refunds because publisher Deep Silver had nothing to do with said Kickstarter.

The company did make it clear that the exclusivity deal with the Epic Games Store would only last one year, so if you've waited for part three of the Shenmue series since the days of the Sega Dreamcast, you can probably wait another year after it's released to play it the way it was pitched to you. I mean, they already have your money.

I know we are at the tail end of this console generation. I know most studios are holding back their heavyweights for a grand send-off or to go alongside announcement of the next console generation. We know Sony wasn't here and you need to fill up some space, but Jesus Christ there were a ton of mobile game announcements. We started to feel like we were at a games convention in China with all the F2P junk announced.

Look, we don't hate all mobile games, but there is a place and time for their announcements; none of which include E3. Studios pushed out all sorts of trash that are only created to make money and appease shareholders who haven't played a video game since Tetris on the Game Boy. For fucks sake, Bethesda talked about three mobile titles during their press event.

Square Enix pushed out a bunch of titles, Microsoft has their Funko Pop game, Ubisoft is propping up Sam Fisher like a wrestler way past his prime at a cheap comic book convention, and so many more. And that's not to mention the tons and tons of press releases we got for Chinese games coming West.

This is all a clear indication on the future of video games. They are all going to be service games that will nickel-and-dime you and be tailored for the Chinese market. Hell, it seemed like the biggest booths on the floor were from Chinese studios pushing their WoW and LoL clones in our faces.

E3 is now just another Asian gaming convention. I've been leaning hard on it this whole article but this title really hit home that gaming is now focused on the emerging Asian markets. What made this announcement really bad was that Microsoft teased a huge classic PC title coming to the console. Cool! It could have been anything, and in a year with old games being brought back, they could have announced anything.

Then they announced Crossfire X to an audience who had never heard of the game/series. This is because Crossfire X is a South Korean game that is essentially a clone of Counter Strike. Yup, we are getting another online FPS game in a military setting. Hype AF, bros! Only not. Crossfire X is a game nobody asked for, wanted, or will do anything for Microsoft.

Business wise it's a smart move as you want to get the Xbox brand deeper into Asian territories, but is E3 really the place for this? American audiences don't know this game, and without any warning to what the game is, people were apathetic at best. I don't know the game outside of being Counter Strike clone, but it it's free on the console it might be fun; although I bet it's going to be micro-transaction heavy.

But you want to know the real icing on the cake? The trailer was totally CG work and showed off nothing about the game. There was no gameplay of any kind shown. It simply looked like some generic Modern Warfare game, something doing the game no favors. Fans in attendance could be heard whispering to each other what the game was after the trailer. Show us a game nobody knows and telling us nothing. Good job Microsoft!