Re-Introducing Empress Moonstar

As a child, I was a shy creature, often ignored, and very bizarre indeed. I didn't really have any friends, being strange and weird. I stayed away from others. 3 years later, they treated me like a goddess. I wasn't Empress Moonstar yet. I was named Bomby. I was a little cave-girl who was destined to become the monarch of Ooga-Boogas (what I used to call cavemen). I had three pet Smilodons: Lobster, Crabby I, and Crabby II (my three best friends). I had also befriended numerous princesses and a healer-magician (other friends). Before becoming an Empress, I was a general. "General Bomby", they said, "you are the bravest of us all! How shall we ever defeat the fiendish mammoths (what we called the boys back then)?" Cunning as I was, we chose a dumb mammoth to trick. His name was Mammoth I (I know, we weren't very creative for mammoth names). We told him we would give him candy if he rubbed some poison oak on Mammoth VIII's arm (don't worry he was fine afterwards nothing bad happened... sort of...). After Mammoth I had finished his deed, Mammoth VIII ran crying to his older sister to take him to the school nurse. Mammoth I got in trouble because he was too dumb to tell on us (no, seriously, he actually was really stupid). After that incident we had the Sand Soup fiasco, the Snowball Battle, the Sandbox Bazaar, and many other crazy adventures I will tell another time. Thus ended my Prehistoric Era.

After the crazy Prehistoric Era came the Antique Times. I went to another school and found two new friends. I was still called Bomby, but I was not an empress. My friends were Mommy (my foster mother) and Gloria (a mythical hybrid of a dragon and a winged horse). Together we had many amazing adventures. We still disliked the mammoths, but we called them "coo-coos". Some girls, who preferred playing sports than make-believe games, were called "coo-cooettes". We don't like them. They don't like us either. ALL LOATHED EACH OTHER! T'WAS DARK TIMES! Not many great adventures happened, except for the Lettuce Funeral in the wood chips or the Cheese-Curl Chase. This Era lasted for two years, which was okay, I guess. After that, Mommy had started being INTERESTED in the coo-coos which drove Gloria and I crazy. "They're fine", Mommy said. "They make great friends", she said. THEN EXPLAIN THE TIME ONE OF THEM STARTED BOTHERING US FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR AND OUR HARDLY-GAINED LUNCH BREAK WAS WASTED TRYING TO KILL HIM ("killing" back then meant "telling the teacher")!!! After that I started hating Mommy during the Early Middle Ages, but that's for later. Another strange story was that apparently one of the weirder coo-coos liked me, and I was like: "NOPE!" and we never talked ever again. I never told my friends because I knew it would be embarrassing, because, let's just say, I AM NOT A NORMAL CHILD. IF SOMEONE LIKES ME, IT MEANS I AM NORMAL AND I SHOULD NOT BE!!! Later on, it was just homework and getting good grades, so yeah... As the Antique Times ended, a looooong era had begun...

Early Middle Ages, early middle school (see what I did there?). Everyone hated me. Everyone, except my five friends. Sadly, Mommy wasn't part of them anymore, but she comes back later on. Gloria was still there (but this time she was named Rubypaw), alongside my four new friends: S5, Emmicorn, the Illuminati Priest, and the Alpaca Goddess. S5 and Emmicorn were Bone Witches, because they stayed on their phones for too long, while the rest of us were Willow Trees, 'cause our long hair made us THE NYMPHS OF THE FOREST!!! We had soooooo many hilarious inside jokes together, like the time a silverfish scared us to death, another time where Rubypaw almost licked a ladybug, and that time where we started chanting about coconut shampoo and cannibalism. *SIGH* we were so weird back then. WE STILL ARE, but not as weird. WE ATE CLOVERS AND WILD BERRIES BACK THEN, OKAY? DON'T TELL US WE WERE NORMAL, 'CAUSE WE WEREN'T! Another time we found a harvestman spider in the clovers and we ran away, never touching the clovers ever again. At one point we started walking around the school yelling "AH HA HA" at everyone while pointing our index at them and moving it in a vertical movement. We once did that to a teacher. A TEACHER. Luckily, we never had him because he was an ESL English teacher, and all of us excelled in our main language. Then there was this other coo-coo that had a crush on me (let's call him Ink Juice because at one point he was chewing his pen and you can imagine the rest...) and I was like: "DIE." and the he went away and HE MIGHT COME BACK AGAIN NEXT YEAR... Let us move on to the marvelous MIDDLE Middle Ages now, shall we?

*This is the year I was named "Dragon Unicorn" on Playbuzz*

Ah, this Era was lovely. Just lovely. I had six friends instead of five, and they were all almost completely different from the ones during the last era. Rubypaw was still there, since she was my most loyal friend (let's call her Vegetable this time because... inside joke), then Mommy came back in the group and brought back a multitude of new friends: Cousin, Wopez, Hurricane Katrina, and Tango-Bob-Habibi. Cousin is my cousin (fine, not really, but still). We have known each other ever since I was Bomby. Wopez and I have a wonderful friendship because she understands me. Hurricane Katrina and I had many good grades together during group projects in school. And finally Tango-Bob-Habibi and I were just weird together. If you were wondering what happened to my old group, let's just say it went bye-bye. S5 left the school, and the other three started having SHORTHAIR friends (alternate modern name for coo-coos, and yes I still am not used to them). With my new group of friends, we went on an awesome ski-trip together with the entire grade, and there was a dance party and I partied with a broom. I also had trouble breathing on the mountains (yay) so I had to ride a snowmobile down to the main gathering area and everyone was like "WUT" and I was like "HAHAHA!!! BUH-BYE, CHILDREN!!!" I also played a game on my science teacher's phone, which was kind of weird, because I had to wait for the others to come down from the deadly mountains. I also played cards with him! When we were going back home, Vegetable was hungry in the middle of the bus ride, and I told her I had vegetables as a snack. Both of us imagined, beautiful, shining, clean vegetables, fresh from the fridge, but when I took it out, all of them were smushed. IT LOOKED LIKE COMPOST! We both laughed for an hour because it was so hilarious! We had imagined beauteous, fresh veggies and we ended up having trash in front of our hungry selves... we were disappointed, but it was hilariously disgusting and funny. This is why I named her Vegetable. Also, this is the time where I bit Potato (twice), some tall weirdo, WHO CALLED ME A SHORTHAIR!!! Good riddance. HE GONE NOW (and yes I CAN ENGLISH, THANK YOU). As this triumphant era ended, another one had commenced...

*This is the year I was named "Empress Amphisbaena" on Playbuzz*

This era has not ended yet, but there is a lot to say. I am fairly normal-er these days, but still strange. At least people are getting used to me. Kind of. Sort of. Maybe. Not really. Eh. It is better than last era though. I am actually taking care of me now. I brush and wash my hair regularly, I take care of my face, and wear normal pieces of clothing now. Wopez left the school, but she might come back next year, and we have a new addition to the group. Her name shall be... Michelle, after an especially dirty joke she came up with in the middle of the year. I don't really like her, now that she has a shorthair-friend (boyfriend) named Tomato. She's changing... in a bad way... Also, I am under the impression some shorthair named Yogurt is stalking me. He keeps on asking very random questions at the most random of times, like: "What is your favorite animal?", "Do you like anyone?", "Did you like Potato? (HOW DARE YOU, I answered), and even "What type of conditioner do you use?" which I responded with a very bad look. Well all of this calmed down as our Latin field trip started. The Latinists and I went to a fake Roman villa and a museum and it was okay. This time, I changed my appearance, let us say, and barely anyone noticed me with my new sunglasses and velvet shirt, alongside some amazing hoop earrings... I always wore my sunglasses: day, night, outside, inside, sunny, rainy... I DIDN'T CARE WHERE I WAS 'CAUSE THEY WERE AWESOME!!! Then there were these foul shorthairs named Freckle-Bobo and Squash (alongside Yogurt because he was their pet) who were making fun of me and were calling me 'stupid' because I always wore the sunglasses. HEY, IT ISN'T MY FAULT I'M FASHIONABLE!!! I was like: "FOUL PEASANTS! HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE QUEEN?" And they were simply like: "HA! lol" which really set me off. Some other shorthair I still hate named Dragon City was like: "Don't anger her, she gets mad very easily..." AND THE OTHERS JUST LAUGHED!!! Worst field trip ever in my opinion. (Sorry if I'm complaining a lot in this paragraph, because it was a big part into naming me "Empress Moonstar" later on). Then annoying little Michelle came along and she wanted to wear my sunglasses and kept on stealing them from me... then I screamed at her. Everyone was like "Aw mah gaw..." And I was like: "THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE! THIS IS THE REAL ME!!!" After that there was a long sad period of not talking to anyone, but then I went back to normal (as in weird) as soon as a week passed from that field trip. Now that I am more serious and darker than before, I have dubbed myself "Empress Moonstar", after the highest rank of the royal hierarchy and what guards the night during its darkest times.

I hope these 5 paragraphs explained most of my life well. Thanks for reading "Re-Introducing Empress Moonstar"! I will create more content soon!

(above: drawing of the Evil Queen from "Once Upon a Time" from artist "daekazu" [Deviantart])