Which Gilmore Girl Are You?

Hey, heckling’s not an easy job, but somebody’s got to do it.

I usually like to bring a big bag of snacks and just listen.

I have no intention of attending, thank you.

Chanel No. 5. Coco Chanel said, “a woman who doesn’t wear perfume has no future,” which I personally have found to be true.

Mascara, I guess?

Drugstore lipstick in “Vicious Trollop.”

I guess Belle would be my choice, despite the creepy talking household objects. How are those fun for children? Remember the stove? The stove is terrifying. But I’m willing to put up with some aggressive animated kitchen appliances for that library. Plus all that free French food. Must respect the food.

Ariel is a MERMAID. How could I get the option to be a mermaid with flowing fire engine red hair and not take that option? Plus she gets to wear a seashell bikini the whole time—until she gets a full-blown ball gown at the end. That is literally everything anyone could possibly want out of the opportunity to be an animated fairy tale princess. The sartorial possibilities available to Ariel blow all the other princesses’ wardrobes out of the water. Pun intended.

I suppose I would choose Cinderella. Who doesn’t love a good Cinderella story? Plus she’s one of the only ones whose Technicolor ball gown doesn’t look cheap. Have you seen “The Little Mermaid”? She looks like a harlot. How those films get away with being aimed at children I’ll never understand.

Pussy Riot

I was quite moved by “Anna Karenina.” It’s considered the greatest novel ever written! I have to say Tolstoy.

Oh my god, how can I possibly choose? I’ve been on a bit of a Turgenev kick lately, but I developed a big Dostoyevsky obsession and read all of his major works the summer after the second grade, which was a really formative experience for me, so I hate to neglect him. But gosh, I would be an idiot not to mention Tolstoy! And does Chekhov count? I can’t answer this question; it’s stressing me out.

Read the newspaper / Lots going on in the world! / Much to write about

Husband has to work / Can’t find his preferred bowtie / The maid gets fired

Coffee coffee coff– / Thanks, cannot function without. / (A donut, too, please.)

What do you mean, “other than Stars Hollow”? I don’t live in Stars Hollow. I already live someplace “other than Stars Hollow.” Who wrote these questions? Would it have killed you to do a little bit of research about the person you’re interviewing first? This is ridiculous.

Oh, god, I don’t know — I want to see it all first! I’ve wanted to go to Asia for a while. I’d like to check out Australia too, though, you know, while I’m over there. I’ve done the Europe thing already, which I loved, but there are so many places I haven’t been — I don’t know! Everywhere! That’s my answer. I’ll be a citizen of the world!

Hey, I’ve traveled a bit in my life, and I have yet to find another place with a snowman-building contest, festival of living art, and 24-hour dance marathon up to our standards. We’ve got it all here! We’ve got town meetings and hay bale mazes! We’ve got Taylor! We’ve got Kirk! We’ve got more history than we know what to do with! And on top of all that, Stars Hollow is home to a diner where you can be served hot, delicious coffee every morning by the most charming, agreeable, patient, and friendly proprietor of all time. How could I ever top that?

It’s shaping up to be such a strange and interesting one. The stakes are high, and I’m following the race closely.

I honestly am only sort of half-watching at this point. We’ve still got some time before it really starts, and I’ve got a ‘Cop Rock’ marathon to get through.

Didn’t your mother ever teach you that it’s rude to discuss politics socially? What are you going to ask me next, my opinion of the Pope? I’ve never seen such manners in my life. I’m ready to get up and leave this interview right now.

Gotta go with Little Edie. Obviously.

Well, clearly I’m Big Edie, but let the record show that I, too, can rock a headscarf.

Neither, thank you. And who needs that much pizza?