(2018) What type of Arctic Bird are YOU?

You are a carnivore who enjoys the rarest of rare meats. Hold the rabbit food and bring on the rabbit! You are a night owl who is most productive during the darkest of nights and tend to fly solo except for a few close friends and loved ones. That makes you fiercely protective of those you call your own. The most attractive people to you are those that bring you food, and your go-to present is always something food-related. You haven't made up your mind if you want 3 or 4 owlets running amok between your claws or if you have your eyes on a World Cup championship and want a full field of 11 owlets. You prefer to build your home on an elevated, wind-swept rise so you have lots of visibility and the wind keeps snow accumulation to a minimum. You're not too concerned about fancy home furnishings; your owlets better be grateful that they even have a figurative roof over their heads! When you need a break, you take a week off from work and have a staycation in your living room.

You may have started out as the ugly duckling but now you are a striking beauty that turns heads. You are very much a salad person and are working on a permaculture garden where you can grow your own greens and plants. Dawn and dusk are your favorite times of day and you prefer talking to people in small, intimate groups. Hook, line, and sinker, you've bought into Hollywood's fantasy of True Love™, mostly because you've already met the lucky person you'll be spending the rest of your life with. You'll probably have 4 or 5 cygnets, maybe up to 7 if you're lucky. You managed to snag your mate by demonstrating your impressive, er, wingspan, and want to build your home as close to water as you can possibly get without risking perpetual flooding. Your home itself will be cushioned by a downy later of your own feathers because your family deserves only the best. During the winters, you escape to the west coast for warmer climes and occasionally have to visit your in-laws on the east coast.

You are adventurous and love to travel, sometimes traveling as much as 6,000 miles to Central America to escape the cold Alaska winters. Food-wise, you prefer finger foods like small insects and crustaceans that provide an extra crunch to your meals. You are a free spirit who is most active when the sun is out and are interested in a mate who will take care of your babies while you jet off to bigger and better things. Ain't nobody got time for babysitting! You managed to catch your mate/babysitter by demonstrating your impressive running skills back and forth to the water on a beach - it's a surprise they didn't make the connection you'd be a runner after birth, too! 4 kids seems like a good number to you, or maybe 3 if you're jonesin' for a quick escape. At least you made sure your house is situated on a river delta with plenty of fresh and salt water and it's cushioned with leaves, moss, sedge, and grass to give your babies a fraction of comfort after you leave them high and dry.

Your name may have the word common in it, but there's absolutely nothing common about how you forge connections and lifelong bonds with your friends and family. You are always quick to help someone out and are the designated go-to family member when people need help with their young. In fact, your mate (seduced by your low, sultry coos and head weaving) must be someone who values family above all else and is willing to live in a large complex of your relatives and friends. You're not shy about calling over Aunt Ida to help corral your ducklings - maybe just one, maybe as many as 8! - and in fact you often have your best friend Sheila chip in with child rearing duties as well. You've literally feathered your nest with your own feathers and down to give your ducklings the softest and most insulated home ever. You're usually up early, rising with the sun, and are a huge proponent of the siesta to sleep some of the day away. Vacations are always a mystery, but must include a beach.

From the far north in the Arctic in the summer to the US Heartland in the winter, you are one of the most high-visibility birds out there, well known for your distinctive "V" formation. The V stands for Victory - victory over lowly humans, that is, when you eventually take over the world with your vast population. For now, you eat leaves and plants (though your palate may change once you turn your focus to humans). Your mate will help you raise your 4 to 6 goslings while challenging traditional bird gender roles. You honestly have no idea how you managed to snag such an awesome mate; waving your arms and yelling loudly was a long shot, but it worked! You prefer to live near the shore, elevated so your carefully crafted hodgepodge of a home doesn't get wet. Your home is also close to your tight-knit group of friends and family who are keen to lend a caring ear to your honking about Timmy's tendency to hack up partially-digested blades of grass on your living room floor.

We all know why you wear red so much: to stand out. Everyone knows it. But you really don't need it to stand out; your uncommon grace puts you beak and wings above other loons (looking at you, Common Loon, you plebeian). You dazzle all the other loons as you elegantly move across water - it's one of the ways you managed to snag your (fingers crossed) lifelong mate, who was beyond impressed with the intense aquatic dance you did with your buddy Tim (shout-out to the best wingman ever). Like a true Alaskan, you are a superb angler. Fish better beware because you're arguably the best fisherbird in North America. It's obvious you enjoy being on the water more than anywhere else because when're on vacation, you're in the ocean. When you do return home to have your 1.9 kids like a True American™ (that .9 does round up, thankfully, so you've got your spare), you really don't care what, exactly, you make your house out of, so long as it's near water and fits your butt perfectly.

You're not really a big fan of dry land. You spent about 75% of your time at sea, eating pretty much anything you can find: small fish, aquatic invertebrates, whatever any other bird happens to be carrying (because hey, why should you have to do all the hard work?). The other 25% you can be found on Arctic tundra. Some of the other jaegers might make fun of your dainty figure, but don't listen to them. You know you can fly circles around those clunky winged chickens with ease and look good doing it. You're mostly monogamous, but you're also not afraid to admit when a relationship isn't working and find someone else. Lucky for you, most jaegers aren't too picky about their mates so long as you bring them food. On date nights, your favorite meal is a half-chewed lemming that's been predigested by your hubby. You're much wiser than most birds and know that obvious homes are more likely to be targeted by predators, so your two kids will just have to get used to living humbly.

You're stunning and you know it, but that doesn't mean you want others to know it, too. You'd rather blend than be noticed for your uncommonly good looks, even if that means pretending you're Beyoncé when a telemarketer calls since you're insanely good at imitations (you'd be a stand-up comedian if you didn't hate attention). Being unobtrusive has its perks, though, like not being judged for your free-spirited nature because none of your neighbors are close enough to be nosy. If you and your partner want to experiment with an open relationship, what's the harm? You'd rather be happy than stuck with Ted forever (though don't get me wrong, we all agree his wingspan is impressive). You've taken great care to build a home that's a cozy retreat from the world out of woven sedge and twigs and lined with reindeer hair. Your 4ish kids love your lullabies about Mother Russia, your favorite vacation destination, but the "dosvidanya, comrades!" they keep saying in public is a little alarming.