20 Shower Thoughts That Will Blow Your Mind

An onion forces you to cry over its death.

I work for one of the richest companies in the world" sounds a lot better than "I work at Walmart"

I wonder how many thousands of dollars I have missed out on in special effects in movies by blinking.

Apple has "air." Amazon has "fire." Google has "earth." I think Microsoft should create something called "water."

They should announce a sequel to Groundhog Day and then just re-release the original.

To the dinosaurs, we live in a post-apocalyptic future.

Saying "um" is the human equivalent to buffering.

When a pregnant woman swims, she is a human submarine.

If I touch my phone in the right places, a pizza will show up at my front door.

Gorillas don’t know any bodybuilding techniques so we have probably never seen one at full potential.

What if every country has ninjas, but we only know about the Japanese ones because they’re rubbish?

Trying to lose at rock paper scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

If you cant find an American flag to face during the anthem, you could just face the Moon.

Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?

Ellen should give away more stuff like Oprah and rename her show Ellen de Generous.

Scooby-Doo taught us that the real monsters always turn out to be humans.

The Japanese flag could actually be a pie chart of how much of Japan is Japan.

In order to fall asleep, you have to pretend to be asleep.

If I throw around large amounts of shredded bread on public property, my proximity to ducks determines whether or not I'm littering.