German Joke Or English Joke?
Our European cousins are not exactly well-known for their good sense of humor, but can you tell whether the following jokes are German or English?
Yesterday, I met my friend at the hospital. He’d swallowed a sponge. He says it doesn't hurt but he’s always thirsty.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day - but I couldn't find any.
"What is romantic?"
"I don't know."
"When a man strokes a woman tenderly with a feather."
"What is perverse?"
"I don't know."
"When the chicken is still attached."
Plants grow very well if you speak kindly to them. Which is why I sometimes go into the garden and insult the weeds.
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
A man is treated by a psychiatrist because he thinks he is a mouse. After some weeks of counselling he is finally healed and has learned that he isn't a mouse.
As the man walks out of the psychiatrist's office he sees a cat on the street and runs back to the psychiatrist and screams: "I'm scared! There's a cat on the street!"
The psychiatrist replies: "I thought you know now that you are not a mouse."
The man answers: "Yes, I know that, but does the cat know this too?"
Why is television called a medium? Because it is neither rare nor well done.
A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please... and one for the road."