11 Signs You're A Basic Bitch

Basic? You? Maybe. Check this list before it's too late.

Malcolm Raines
Created by Malcolm Raines
On Jul 14, 2017

Your Selfie Game is Totally Next Level

Check yourself, G! Do you follow yourself around snapping pictures like your own personal paparazzi squad? That's so basic!


You Drink Cold Coffee Drinks All Winter Long

It's so cold you can't leave the house without Uggs, a puffy jacket, a fuzzy hat with ear flaps, and two pairs of yoga pants, but you still ask for extra ice in your seasonally-flavored skinny Frappuccino. That is stone cold basic! (Um, there might be other issues there but one thing at a time.)


Your Tinder About Section is All Dick Jokes

Let me guess, it's something like "My favorite letter is D" or "Queen of Peen" or "Spitting is Quitting"? Not only is that the girl equivalent of unsolicited dick pics, but it's also basic as balls: big, blue basic balls. (And no, just because guys keep falling for it, doesn't make it right.)


You Don't Do Red

Look, there's nothing wrong with drinking a bottle or two of white wine after work (or maybe there is, but let's save that for another list). However, if you turn up your nose at red wine because you can't even with a few skins in the fermentation process, that's basic with a capitol B!


You Smile While Eating Salad

If you smile while eating salad, it's all over. At that point, you're so basic, you might as well be in a generic stock photo. Jesus, there's not even dressing on that salad! What in the name of Jenny Craig could you possibly have to smile about? Plain lettuce?


You Lie About Your LOLs

If you've ever typed lol while staring stone-faced at your phone, you might be basic. Then again, you might not. Not everyone needs to know your business.


You Have A Favorite Boyband Member

It's okay to like Boybands. How could you not? They're hot in an approachable way and the songs are catchy AF. If you have a favorite, though, you have to know that you're basic. Oh, and yes, you're still basic if you like the Bad Boy of the group. Strike that. Especially if you like the Bad Boy.


You Want to Plump Up Your Lips

Why do you need plump lips? To up your selfie duck-face game? That's a big old NAH! Skip the glosses that burn like hell and the expensive injections. Plump lips are basic, B. Natural lips are like natural boobs: totes sexy and totally not basic!


Your Fitness Tracker Gives You Life

If you're tracking your steps, your heart-rate, your REM sleep and your BMs, that's basic. Here's a tip: go for a walk, don't stay up all night playing with your phone and get some fiber.


You Dress, Act, or Talk Like A Kardashian

Also if you've ever watched an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians or you could recognize one or more Kardashians in a line-up. Face it. They're the First Family of Basicness.


You're Basic and Proud

You're basic and you know what? You're fine with it. Why wouldn't you be?
Being basic comes with some cool perks like the latest iPhone, flavored lattes, Adele songs, VIP status at Jonas Brothers Concerts, Hamilton tickets, knowing the plot lines for both Scandal and This Is Us. Bust out that selfie stick and hold your head up high. Basic for lyfe, players!