14 Shitty Sex Tips From Cosmo, If They Gave Tips to Guys

Cosmo has carved out an insane reputation for itself by suggesting insane sex tips that no one should ever do - like putting his dick through a donut and then eating the donut, or "go hot and cold. During oral, suck in air as you go down and blow it out as you go up."

Here's what these insane tips would look like if given to the fellas instead.

1

67 Steamy Tips For Honking Her Gazongas (via lilfrostgiant)

Nothing makes a woman hornier than grabbing her tits and squeezing while making honking noise. They LOVE IT!!!

2

Yeah you probably don't know any of them though they go to a different school (via Black-Thirteen)

Women HATE virgins! Ten ways to make her think you've laid HUNDREDS of women!

3

Greetings lil thickums (via Black-Thirteen)

Put that dating app down! Experts agree, complimenting her body as you drive by is the most effective way to meet women.

4

Hey yeah where is that hoodie anyway (via jimberley)

“The Myth of the Female Orgasm”
“15 Ways to Slip Her a D Pic”
“We Polled 14 Women in A Mall In Peoria. You’ll Never Believe What They’re Into”
“Is Head Really Cheating?”
“Slapping the Clitoris 101”
“Catching Feelings is So 2016”
“Lube is for Quitters”
“Your Enemy: the Dildo”
“How to Continually Have ‘Make Up’ Sex”
“Charlie Sheen: Sex Coach”
“Dress Her Like Your Favorite Porn Star for Her Birthday”
“Steal Her Panties (and Get Away With it)”
“It’s YOUR Goddamned Hoodie”

5

Ding dong let me in (via PTC36)

Always slap her pussy with your dick for at least a full minute, she’ll go wild if you knock before entering.

6

Fucking last 16 minutes and includes 38 positions (via I_am_photo)

Everything that happens in porn is real.

7

Hurry! Before it melts! (via windinthelinen)

Rub her clit with ice! Rub her whole vagina with ice! Just shove a whole tray of ice up her ass! Being uncomfortable and numb is sexy! ICE!

8

Who said journalism is dead (via Bacontoad)

"How to take the perfect dick pic to drive her WILD!"
"Women agree - surprise butt sex is best butt sex!"
"Are you spoiling your girlfriend by letting her look at you during?"
"This study proves it: she loves the smell of her man's farts! Why a dutch oven is the most thoughtful gift for this Valentine's Day."
"Why she doesn't really love you if she won't let you sleep with her sister- psychologists reveal the TRUTH!"

9

They tuck it away thinking we won't find it, but we will (via CassandraVindicated)

Try fingering her cervix, women love that but the guys never do it.

10

It's the highest compliment one can give a woman (via AllHallowsPeeve)

No matter what, always. ALWAYS. Tell your girl that she reminds you of your mother, right at climax. After all, Freud wasn't famous for nothing!

11

"Jesus Christ, my curtains!" she will wail in pleasure (via The_Skippy73)

Want to make a woman scream in bed? Wipe your dick on the curtains!

12

Pinching, the universal excellent sex move(via gaoshan)

"Hold her vagina in one hand and lightly slap her clit with the other... you can tap it back and forth like you're volleying a tennis ball and lightly pinch the skin on her clitoral sheath and lips. Many men make the mistake of being too gentle."
-Actual Cosmo advice with lady bits swapped for man bits and genders switched.

13

Yeah no forreal dude it's true (via fraudulenturinetest)

Anal isn’t cheating. Our expert panel explains why.

14

The more it fills up, the better(via allboolshite)

The joys of airplay: blow air into her pussy to fill her vagina up like a balloon!
Go deep with cervical stimulation.
Build passion by calling out your exes name!