What Sort Of A Boss Would You Be?

It’s tough to be the boss — so much responsibility, so little popularity. How would you cope in this stressful role? Your answers to the Bluffer’s boss quiz will reveal all! If you need help showing the plebs who’s boss, consult 'The Bluffer’s Guide To Management'.

Bluffer's
Created By Bluffer's
On Jun 2, 2017

One of your employees, a single mother, is persistently late. How do you handle this delicate situation?

You could use some extra help around the place. Wealthy and skint young people alike are camping on the doorstep desperate for any crumbs of opportunity. What to do?

Your office is on fire. Oh no! Which object do you save?

Team-building time! What will we be doing, boss?

Which of these would be your career spirit animal?

Everyone is complaining about the shonky old PCs in the office. What’s to do?

Austerity is still gnawing on the company’s shins. No pay rise for anyone again this year. How do you break it to your long-suffering staff?

Congratulations! You’re a Grade-A Asshole Boss

Congratulations! You’re a Grade-A Asshole Boss

You are an utter bastard. A monstrous, unfeeling, finger-jabbing, hair-trigger, laser-glaring, overtime-insisting, underpaying, union-slapping, spirit-nuking beast of bullishness. To you, employees are little more than galley slaves rowing your ship of prosperity, and you require nothing less of them than their total submission. Of course you may harbor a secret sadness, some deep and early wound to the heart that set you on the path to becoming the ogre that you are: but frankly, nobody cares and they all just wish you’d die in a fire.

You’re a Reluctant Leader — Bummer, right?

You’re a Reluctant Leader — Bummer, right?

Poor you. You never wanted this for yourself, and it sits heavily on you. The thought of having to “be the boss” always made you uncomfortable: and yet the promotions kept coming your way, and since you kind of thought ambition was a virtue and you quite fancied the money, you accepted them. You’re really not bad at it, but you’re not happy, are you? Sooner or later, your essential resistance to and unsuitability for the role will see you out on your arse, but then you’ll find happiness making coffee tables out of vintage fruit crates and working at a homeless shelter. If you ever get the chance, seize that redundo package with both hands.

Sorry, but you’re an Inconsequential Dullard Boss

Sorry, but you’re an Inconsequential Dullard Boss

You are a limp bit of corporate lettuce who has slithered into your current position by being so amenable as to be just about useful. You are so profoundly forgettable that building security often ask you for your pass when you return from Tesco with your cheese and tomato on white (no mayo). Eventually your anaemic semi-competence may get you canned, but you’ll enjoy a good few beige years of infuriating hands-off buck-passing before that. Good for you, you soggy noodle in the bottom of the boss-bowl.

Whoah! You’re totally the Best Boss Ever!

Whoah! You’re totally the Best Boss Ever!

You’re the properly cool, properly decent, properly proper business person that we all long to look up to. Rarer than unicorns’ teeth, you’re an urban work legend made of flesh and dressed in the clothes of a normal human being, rather than some kind of try-hard knob head. Your fairness and sense of humor make you a joy to work for. You light up the office. You make work feel like play, and not in that pseudy ping-pong-table wacky-tie-Friday way either. You absolutely boss this whole boss thing. In fact, you must have fibbed in order to get this result. If not, set up a company immediately and commence making the world a better place.