Helloooooooo, groupies! It is I, Señor Deadpool. I know you dream of one night with a ravishing beast like me. Of running your fingers up my katana… Of getting your hands around my twin pistols… Of…
Wait, where was I?
Personality quiz? This is a personality quiz. Okay. And you wanna see if you can BE ME? But I thought you were into me…? You weren't?
*sigh* Guy's gotta dream.
Alright, stud of immaterial gender—Gimme a catchphrase!
Quick, how do you make a perfect soy double latte?
A crazed scientist tells you he's invented a pill that makes chickens explode. What do you do?
You need to take out a warehouse full of highly armed mercenaries. You have a Q-tip. How do you proceed?
Maiden in distress #348 is held behind a locked door. How do you open it?
A noisy neighbor is keeping a growing Deadpool from getting his beauty sleep. What do you do?
Oh no! You got an infection after a night of wacky fun! What do you do?
Of the mighty animal kingdom, which is best suited for mercenary work?
Your sweet, geriatric roommate asks you to murder her neighbor with her dearly beloved late husband's pistol. What do you do?
You're stuck at Xavier's Mansion with a Colossal idiot. How do you prank him?
Hey! You made it through the quiz! I got worried for a sec when that shiny object went by. Yeah, I dunno if you're cut out for merc work, li'l fella. Have you considered an easier line of work? Maybe being a pet rock? Or a doorstop? I wouldn't worry about it. Just keep away from sharp objects, and you'll be fine.
Welcome to mercenary work, Generic Goon #2987. You answered all those "wacky" and "random" questions the best you could, but you are, regrettably, sane. But hey, that's fine! We can still hang out! I'm always looking for more redshirts. That was a "ref-er-ence." You use them to "make jokes." Eh, you'll get it someday.
Hell yeah, you're Deadpool, the chimichanga-eating, fourth wall-breaking, reference-tastic merc with a mouth himself! You're as crazy as a barrel full of drunken monkeys, and you're creative enough to think of a few good uses for such a thing! *sniffles* I'm so proud of you.
Holy shit. There's crazy, and then there's crazy. You're out of your goddamn mind, resourceful, and have a frightening amount of free time. I mean, hey, I break the fourth wall, but I don't know if walls even exist for you. Just… try to be gentle when you conquer the universe, alright? Or just tell me the safety word first.