Chapter 3

As soon as I realized I would need to go out of the apartment I started to panic. I wore a black outfit, a big hat and huge shades as if I was Ditto Vicci or some other eccentric fashion designer.
I headed to the salon and groomed my beard and finally got a haircut – modern pompadour. I walked a bunch of blocks confidently to get new clothes, wax my body, clip my nails; walking made me feel like a whole new person, like I could do anything. And I finally ended up in ‘Stormland’. 

Even though it’s only nine in the evening now I desperately need to have a drink and speak with Tony. His eyes gleam the moment I walk in the club, as I’m sure I was the last person he would expect to visit tonight. Tony always had a crush on me but we never did anything.

“I almost didn’t recognize you!” Tony laughed and fixed the blue random hair that was in his eyes. “Let me guess, scotch with ice?” He smiles.

I sit on a black small high chair and drop the shopping bags next to me sloppily. I feel sort of guilty for ignoring some of his texts and invites but I do miss him and need his support.

“I dig your new haircut.” Tony says as he pours Scotch in a tall glass half filled with ice. He wears a sleeveless yellow shirt and white board shorts. I notice his new tattoo on his right bicep. It’s a blue heart broken in three pieces. I think he flexes his arms a little to show off. He has obviously been working out as Tony never had arm veins.

“Like it?” He finally asks as he catches me eye his bicep. “Why three pieces?” I ask and sip my drink.

“It’s my heart shared in pieces; one for me, one for my dog and one for the man of my bed – I mean my life.” He says.

“Any new victims?” I ask him playfully.

“Just some twinks that don’t know where their asshole is, and lots of international middle-aged men who are one step before murdering their wives.” He says as he scrolls through his phone. 

“So… Ruben is back.” I tell him after a few moments of necessary silence. He doesn’t look up from his phone, but I can tell he didn’t like what he heard.
“He wants me to go get the suits. I mean, he wants us… I mean, he and I as the groom and his best friend – best man.” I keep mumbling words as I’m sweating like a pig.
“Forgot his wedding was coming” Tony says indifferently as if it’s just another party in the city he wasn’t invited to. “Are you really going through with this, Simon?” He finally looks up at me.

“I’ve already said yes, Tony, what am I supposed to do? He’s my best friend.” I tell him. “Best friend? Let’s be honest with each other, Simon, come on. I’ve known you for years, long before you moved in with Bryan, Ruben or Peter. He doesn’t know anything about you – you haven’t spoken in months!” He says.

“We had shared wonderful moments together, we helped each other, inspired each other. He started painting because I discovered his drawings and loved it. We are best friends, Tony, it doesn’t matter if I know him for one year or one month. I have to be there for him.” For some reason I felt the need to up my realationship with Ruben as if he was my boyfriend.

Tony doesn’t reply and looks at me suspiciously. I know that look when I see it; he obviously figured out why I am acting up.

“You still want him!” He shouts.

“Shhh! Shut up!” I yell at him, annoyed.

“No way! No way! You still have a crush on that guy? That would explain your weirdness and your sweat!” Tony says and hands me a paper napkin. Thankfully, the music is low and the club is empty so I don’t really care who’s listening. 

“If it isn’t the 5th Avenue princess.” Guy, an old but very fabulous bald man, approaches with a girly voice. He comes in around these times to cruise more easily.
“Where in Cardi B have you been?” He screetches at me and winks at Tony to get his usual strawberry margarita with salt instead of sugar.

“Busy busy.” I tell him bluntly as I drink my Scotch. 

The moment he walks off, Tony looks back at me angry. “You cannot marry Ruben, Simon; not if you still have feeling for him.” He says.

“I don’t have feelings, Tony, I don’t. It’s just…it’s weird, that’s all. I’ll have to get used to it and get on with it, I guess” I tell him but he shakes his head in disbelief.

“I don’t want him! I’m still in grief over Peter, unless you’ve forgotten?” I tell him and he rolls his eyes. Tony is half from Italy and he also claims he has something from Japan. Thus his facial expressions are very intense that words are not necessary after all. That’s one thing I like about Tony honestly, his true character. Something I thrive to be but fail every day.

“How’s Gina? Have you spoken with her?” I ask him and of course I expected some judgement. “She’s been devastated, I don’t know, probably because her love of her life seems to be secretly married with a sick dying kid?” He says ironically. “She needs you, Simon. She needs all of us right now and you’re not there.” I tell him and I hold my head from the sudden headache.

I’m silent as I keep thinking about everything, Ruben, Gina, my sister’s stalker, my bossy mother that won’t let me be, Peter’s death… 

The second Scotch has already gone and I halfway through the third one. Without realizing, I’m still in the club three hours later and I only notice that from the three new groups of hairy drunk twinks that obviously came from the countryside to live their Manhattan dream – aka get screwed as much as possible.

“I- I’m gonna go.” I drunkenly mumle at Tony’s side, who’s not even there at the moment. I look around as I feel the need to say goodnight to him for some strange reason – I normally just walk off if he’s too busy. Alcohol isn’t all about making sense though.

He’s speaking with the manager about something so the new bartenders have taken over the bar. I feel awkward, being there all by myself – the reason I don’t go out later than nine on Thursday.

I finish my fifth drink and I’m totally wasted now. My head is buzzing with a happy dizziness and I swear my heart is now beating to the rhythm of Jax Jones. I used to dance with my first fiancé, Bryan, when we came here on Saturdays. It was packed but we never cared, as we only had each other. Why did it have to end? 

My feet naturally fiddle when I feel like dancing, but I look too lonely and it would embarrassing to just bang mercilessly on my own. I could never be that guy. Speaking of; Guy – the fashion designer who calls me ‘5th Avenue Princess’- reappears wearing a total pink outfit along with his overly botched friend who lurks near beer ponds chasing after long snakes.

I don’t make sense when I’m drunk; I suddenly stand up, I think my ass is broken from sitting in this tiny ass chair so long. I stretch my back and then reach over to get my shopping bags from the nearby stall. My bags are gone and now a handsome Mexican nineteen-year-old boy is sitting there. How did I never notice someone was sitting next to me?

I guess I’ve forgotten about the shopping bags, or about everything going on around me; lost in a web of lonely thoughts, lies and heavy secrets. 

“Have you seen my bags?” I shout at him but the loud music takes over my voice.
“What?” He says and his face comes closer to mine. I can smell the deodorant and his cologne– they both match and are very masculine odors I must say. He waits for me to shout at his ear.

I clear my throat and lean over to his ear. “Have you seen my bags? Three black shopping bags?” I ask him and then he smiles at me. Very cute smile. 

He points at the chair on the other side. As I turn around I see the bags on the floor where I had accidentally dropped them some hours ago.

“Ah! There they are. Thank you!” I shout back at him with the happiest most relieved smile and he suddenly grabs me and kisses me – with tongue! I stop him some kisses after and awkwardly grin at him.

“You are too young for me. I’m almost thirty.” I tell him and he kisses me again passionately.

CAUTION: Sexual scenes ahead.

This time he’s more aggressive and grabs my bulge over my black pants as well. I push his hand away discreetly and look around in case Tony is coming. For some reason I would feel like a total slut if he caught me being capped by a twink.

“Stop.” I tell him and button up my jacket. As I glimpse at him, I observe his very hard penis that desperately seems to need to come out of his shorts and attack. I haven’t seen another penis in more than a year, long before I left to Spain. Depression really makes you asexual I think.

But this time I feel my penis is hard too. “I’m Juan.” He says and grabs my bulge again. I exhale twice heavily and mumble to let go of my penis. “I can’t hear you.” He shouts and his body is now attached to mine as he makes out with me again. His erected penis is now thrusting against my own erected penis that is already leaking juices.

“I have to go...” I tell him apologetically without really wanting to go. It’s been awhile since I had some action and I never expected that someone so handsome and young could even look at me.

“Come on…” He says and holds my biceps tight. “You work out, uh? Let’s go.” He says and smiles again. He walks off and looks back at me as if I’m supposed to follow. I hesitate but now everyone is looking at us so I have to end this embarrassment before I get banned from the only place in New York I can tolerate.  

I follow him to the dark room; I haven’t visited a dark room since the days I was with Bryan. Nothing has changed, it’s a pitch black room where hands and other body members touch each other and whatnot. Juan starts kissing me in the dark and touching my body underneath the clothes. His tongue tastes like sweet cherry – so sweet.

He slowly removes my shirt and then he removes his own. Since we can’t see each other we start blindly examining each other’s body. He’s skinny but with strong arms and very good definition. His body seems sculpted like a contemporary dancer’s or actor’s. We then take off our pants and star touching our bulges above our boxers. When we are both fully erected from playing, Juan is the first to slip his fingers in my boxers and grab my hard member. I then touched his, it was fairly long and thick, and rock hard.

We kissed and jerked off and then we took turns sucking each other. His mouth was so hot as he ran his tongue around my cockhead that made me squeal. I was so close but I tried to calm myself so as not to get embarrassed. I then heard groans and voices in the dark from other people in the dark room.

I decided I wanted to end this soon so I turned Juan around and invaded his ass with my throbbing dick – he screamed of pain. I didn’t care as much, as I continued fucking him raw, with a little bit of saliva. Besides, it was already so wet from his magnificent blowjob.

After a few minutes, he stops and pushes me to a wall. “Your turn.” He whispers and turns me around with my face on the wall. I suddenly feel his penis in my backhole; he gently adjusts it inside and then starts thrusting. I close my eyes and images of Ruben’s hot naked body in the gym showers blend in my mind. I let go of myself in the moment and the darkness of the place and it’s like I’m having sex with my best friend. Only it’s not; it’s just a hot Mexican stranger I just met and is now fucking me bareback.
Suddenly a phone is ringing, and Juan leaves me standing on the wall with my legs open to reach for his stuff on the floor. “Sorry it’s important.” He says and I see the light of his phonescreen disappear along with him outside the room.

Suddenly I feel confused and alone again; is he taking a call and is he coming back? Am I supposed to leave? I’m now standing with my back on the wall and try to think. I’m still very drunk and still very dizzy and horny at the same time so I just stand there waiting for someone to release me. Anyone.

After a gentle session of masturbation, a new one enters the room, looking for someone with a tiny flashlight. I can’t see anything but I’m sure he’s coming towards me. This is it; he will be the one to release me from the hopeless situation that Juan put me in.

“Juan?” I ask, even though I’m quite sure Juan isn’t coming back. He doesn’t speak and he has turned off the flashlight. Suddenly my favorite song plays outside on the dance floor, a remix of “Sweet sensation”.

Before I know it, I am fucking raw with this stranger who I never knew who it was. It wasn’t Juan for sure, as his build was similar to Tony’s… or even Ruben’s, which made this experience even more divine. It’s like it was my first time with Ruben and I almost cried from excitement. 

By the morning, the stranger disappeared and I had fallen asleep in the dark room. As if that wasn’t too embarrassing, Tony was the one who woke me up. I look at myself and I’m totally naked and sweaty, filled with that man’s dry juices.

“What the fuck, man? I told you to get over the Spanish guy, not to fuck all the twinks beyond the borders.” Tony giggles while he doesn’t stop staring at my flaccid and tired penis.

“What time is it?” I ask him as I look out for my phone.
“It’s around eight in the morning.” Tony says and I jolt up as if I was pinched by a bee. “Ruben!” I shout.
“Not about Ruben again, man. Get over that guy.” Tony says.
“I am his best man and at eight he’s supposed to pick me up from my apartment and get the goddamn suits for his goddamn wedding!” I snap at Tony and get more desperate and panicky as I am not finding my phone.

“Shit, Tony, I lost my phone! I lost my phone! And my shopping bags too!” I yell at him as I’m searching every dirty corner of that filthy room. Tony and I searched for a bit and Tony told me I got ten minutes until it’s eight.

“I need to get back home now.” I tell Tony. “But it takes twenty minutes by cab.”
“So? Why do you even care if he’s going to wait?” Tony says and I storm out of the club to think of a solution. 

I finally get a cab and head home. Hopefully, Ruben will understand once more and won’t be mad. I start running in the streets of New York trying to get a cab. It’s the worst hour, and people are running to their jobs like rats on fire.

I finally get into a cab, and as we drive back home, I notice Giselle with her husband crossing the street. I stare at them when I realize it is definitely Giselle; it is a small world after all. As we stop at the traffic lights, I decide to instantly take a photo of the happy family in case Gina needed to see it with her own eyes. Apparently Giselle only told Gina that she’s married with a sick kid by phone.

These girls were so perfect for each other and it’s just so sad to find out your love of your life has been lying to you the whole time. When trust is gone, I know nothing can be done right.

As soon as the cab arrives outside my building, I see Ruben walking away. It’s already eight thirty and Ruben has given up.