SAP opens Brewery, starts making Beer

A major paradigm shift in the SAP strategy comes on the first day of the fourth month of 2018 marks, as SAP has recently announced that its branching out into its first ever non-software product – namely beer!

The Best-Run Breweries, Run SAP

SAP has been known worldwide as the leading provider of enterprise software for various industries. Most people are unaware that SAP has been the leading provider of enterprise software for the brewery industry also. With breweries like, Anheuser Busch ,The Boston Beer Company (Sam Adams), Carlsberg-Tetley (Carlsberg), Molson Coors, Diageo (Guinness) and Beck & Co (Beck’s), for the brewery industry, SAP has always been the vendor of choice. As per the numbers, 75% of the beer drunk in the world has been in some way or the other been powered by SAP.

Both Diageo and Anheuser Busch have recently stated that how happy they are with their SAP licence agreements.

SAP has now decided to bite the bullet and brew their own beer. SAP System has recently bought few breweries which Diageo and Anheuser Busch had to sell recently for paying fines, and SAP decided to redesign them such in such a manner which resulted in beer cans following the SAP Best Practice.

Best Practice Makes Perfect!

Until all the different beer companies have been making varieties of beer all of which tasted differently, which was clearly very inefficient.

As per the SAP Best Practice all beer should be vanilla flavored. While this may not taste very nice, and nobody would like to drink it, however when it comes to upgrade time, the effort is non-existent virtually. As a matter of fact, when you have beer making in the cloud, you get four new versions of horrible beer a year, each worse than the previous, and all without you having to do anything!

There is already a slogan in place “SAP Beer – Run Simply to the lavatory to be sick!”

Big Ten Four

The big four international consulting companies have come out very strongly supporting this new initiative.

Consulting executives Mr. Braxton Monday and Gillian Anderson (sister of Arthur) in a joint statement said the following:-

“We have no doubt the vast majority of customers will want to drink the new SAP Beer. Some of our customers have however expressed concerns that the beer cans have no openings whatsoever, and that the SAP “accelerate” methodology suggests that best practice for drinking beer is to open the beer can with a chainsaw.

This has led to some “early adopters” losing arms, or even heads, so we have a solution.

Drawing on our experience in the 1997 – 2002 period when SAP produced promotional t-shirts with twenty seven holes for arms but not one for the head, we will provide the same sort of solution that we did back then, to tailor the product to your exact need.

We can provide a team of fifty to seventy consultants to come and work at your site for one to three years and at the end of that period through a combination of customising and Z code the beer can will be in a state where you can actually open it, in the same way we were able to get the t-shirts into a wearable state. This is highly unlikely to cost more than ten million dollars, so budget is not an issue.”

Coming to a Supermarket near You

I’m quite sure that you are all keen to have a taste of the new beer SAP is producing. The best news is that as of the 1st of April 2018 this is now going to be available in most supermarkets, especially ones which run SAP such as LIDL and Sobeys in Canada.

Though the sales process may seem a bit unusual at first, as it involves the users having to register for a “B” number for complementing your “S” number and “P” number, and then when they have tried logging on to the beer buying app twenty times the user would eventually get through and then the supermarket checkout operator fires a case of one hundred beer cans at you utilizing a cannon. This is best practice.

Eventually the user would need to ensure that he asks for the correct product name. When I began writing this blog a few minutes ago the name of the SAP beer was “SAP!” as visible in the picture at the beginning of the blog.

Since then the name has been changed to “SAP HANA Bar Beer Are” and then “SAP Cloudy HANA Beer” and then just “SAP Cloudy Beer” then “SAP Clea Beer” and then to “SAP Business Beer Haus” and then “SAP Leonardo S/4 HANA Vora Lumira Beer” then “Herge – the adventures of SAP Beer Tin” before finally stabilising on the snappy “Systems, Applications and Beer in Data Processing”

By the time, you get to the supermarket, the beer have a different name however, not to worry – you can now download from the SAP Service Marketplace an app which allows you to enter a prior SAP product name and it will advise you what the present name of that product is in the five minute period relating to the query. Unfortunately, this app is a separately licenced product, however who would really want to miss an extra million dollars a year!

So, all the very best drinking as much of the new SAP Beer as much as you can stomach!

Cheersy Cheers

P.S. Do ensure that don’t burp after drinking a can of SAP Beer, and if anyone hears your burp, you will be subject to a ten thousand dollar “indirect licencing fee” per listener.