Take OTM's quiz to determine which 19th century press baron most closely matches your personality.
Do you enjoy swimming?
Recreation? Harumph - I've no time for such trifles. Far too much to do!
Yes - it's my favorite leisure activity.
It is dangerous to submerge one's head in water at anytime, for the hand of the oppressor may seize the opportunity to hold it there.
'Tis a decent endeavor for children, and I must admit I do indulge myself a brief jaunt in the lake from time to time.
Do you support Obamacare?
This laughably toothless legislation has accomplished little more than making a mockery of the process by which it was wrought.
That law is an outrage - a fundamental violation of the free market principles upon which our economy is based!
Most certainly! It is the responsibility of the government to ensure the health and well-being of its citizens.
It is far too soon to say; what interests me is the intensity of the controversy.
What is your favorite television show?
Diners, Drive-ins & Dives with Guy Fieri
American Horror Story
The Colbert Report
Do you enjoy traveling abroad?
Yes, but only to monitor our nation's enemies.
Why travel, when there is so much intrigue at home?
Travel terrifies me - I've had some bad experiences.
I love nothing more.
Are you afraid of doctors?
It is difficult to imagine anything more foolish than willingly placing oneself in a position to be so easily dispatched.
What is there to fear? I am invincible!
Not really - though I believe traditional Western medicine has certain limitations.
Indeed - I rely on them, for I seem to be perpetually infirm.
Have you ever considered joining the military?
Let others defend our nations borders - I prefer to guard its soul.
Perhaps, but only if there were no better option.
The only thing less trustworthy than the military is the government which commands it.
I have indeed - in fact, I fought bravely in defense of this great nation.
Have you always known what you want to be when you grow up?
Only a fool believes himself to have any control over what he becomes.
My path has been varied, but I'm quite pleased with where I've ended up.
I've always wanted to follow in my parents' footsteps.
Absolutely - ever since I was a child.