Take OTM's quiz to determine which 19th century press baron most closely matches your personality.
Do you enjoy swimming?
It is dangerous to submerge one's head in water at anytime, for the hand of the oppressor may seize the opportunity to hold it there.
Recreation? Harumph - I've no time for such trifles. Far too much to do!
Yes - it's my favorite leisure activity.
'Tis a decent endeavor for children, and I must admit I do indulge myself a brief jaunt in the lake from time to time.
Do you support Obamacare?
Most certainly! It is the responsibility of the government to ensure the health and well-being of its citizens.
It is far too soon to say; what interests me is the intensity of the controversy.
That law is an outrage - a fundamental violation of the free market principles upon which our economy is based!
This laughably toothless legislation has accomplished little more than making a mockery of the process by which it was wrought.
What is your favorite television show?
American Horror Story
Diners, Drive-ins & Dives with Guy Fieri
The Colbert Report
Do you enjoy traveling abroad?
Yes, but only to monitor our nation's enemies.
Travel terrifies me - I've had some bad experiences.
I love nothing more.
Why travel, when there is so much intrigue at home?
Are you afraid of doctors?
What is there to fear? I am invincible!
It is difficult to imagine anything more foolish than willingly placing oneself in a position to be so easily dispatched.
Indeed - I rely on them, for I seem to be perpetually infirm.
Not really - though I believe traditional Western medicine has certain limitations.
Have you ever considered joining the military?
Perhaps, but only if there were no better option.
I have indeed - in fact, I fought bravely in defense of this great nation.
Let others defend our nations borders - I prefer to guard its soul.
The only thing less trustworthy than the military is the government which commands it.
Have you always known what you want to be when you grow up?
My path has been varied, but I'm quite pleased with where I've ended up.
Absolutely - ever since I was a child.
I've always wanted to follow in my parents' footsteps.
Only a fool believes himself to have any control over what he becomes.
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