19 People Share Their Best Conversation Starters And It's Totally Awesome!

I grew up in the Military Army Brat existence of moving every 2 to 3 years. This situation was my life.

I became almost chameleonic in reference to social conversations. People are inherently narcissistic to say the least; not in a negative sense; more like, people enjoy talking about themselves.

Start with referencing something the person is wearing: clothing, watch, jewelery, style, glasses etc...

Typically, while the person is speaking to your open ended questions. They will additionally drop hints about themselves. Stay in tune to what they are saying, and follow up with more open ended questions.

This process will also determine the persons interest in speaking with you. If they are reluctant to speak, or elaborate. Don't take offense. Some people are VERY socially awkward and introverted(especially if they are very intelligent)

Always be congenial, smile, laugh at their jokes(if you are capable of not coming off condescending), poke fun etc... Speak with confidence and try to put people at ease. This will open conversation further, allowing one to feel they can speak freely without judgement.

Once you have located ones affiliations, sports, culture, arts etc. bring others into the conversation(surrounding people) This is where I enjoy social engagements the most. As I am more satirical in nature than others, this is how I put people at ease.

The_Real_Johnny_Utah

This is the most true thing I've ever read. I also grew up as a military brat and developed very keen conversation skills. I do what I call "mirroring" which is a slightly more deceitful version of what you have described.

I take an interest in whatever the person I am talking to is passionate about and add that to my "personality bank." It's really broadened my circle of friends and taught me about some really unique stuff. I've also learned to observe people and pigeonhole them really well, like at the beginning of Mean Girls.

Sometimes I wonder how much of it is really me and how much is just me pretending to be somebody else. I don't know. I feel like Jason Bourne, having so many identities in my arsenal to choose from. The correct personality to get me the date or to make friends with co-workers. It looks creepy written down, but we all do this. I'm just better at it than most.

MattDamon44

I'm pretty good at conversation, and this is somewhat how I see it, too. I also like to think of it as more of a game. Everyone has at least something in common and playing the "point guard", passing the ball to someone else takes pressure off of me holding the conversation up.

Me - "Oh, Becky you like to Ski? Jim did you do any Sking on your trip to Aspen?"

Jim - "Actually I snowboarded. Never liked sking all that much"

Me - "Oh really, I tried surfing one time... is snowboarding really all that different?"

John - "Where did you go surfing? I've always wanted to go to Hawaii"

And suddenly everyone has a conversation going with a general topic. It's like connecting the dots to make a little web of conversation lines, and it could go any place.

gchrisdean

FORD= Family. Occupation. Recreation. Dreams.

This is a popular salesperson technique for building comfort with customers and such.

Obligatory Edit: Holy orangered! I'm glad this post seems to be helping a lot of people out, and leading to further discussion! Just to hijack and clarify a few points that seem to be coming up:

You dont have to follow FORD in order. For example, when I find myself in social situations, the first question seems to be, "What do you do?", as with most young professionals.

Dreams= aspirations and desires. I probably dont want to hear about the nightmares you got after visiting /r/spacedicks

Know your demographic. A 17 year old would much rather talk about the Recreation sports they play, while a 35 year old mother would love to gush about her Family and children.

I HIGHLY recommend Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" if you want to thrive in social situations. This+ FORD= Gold I tell you, GOLD! But above all, remember that people love talking about themselves, but hate to be interviewed.

Napalm_in_the_mornin

I like to ask people what they like to do. It'll usually get you better answers than "what do you do for a living" and it avoids people who don't like their jobs from thinking you're judging them when they find out you are a CEO of the Sultan of Awesome.

Aside from that, asking people what they like to do is a great way to learn things about them quickly, as well get them to speak passionately about something. I could listen to almost anyone talking about anything if they are passionate about it.

It's boring crap that both the asker and the answerer don't care about that makes for awful conversation. You ask a guy what he likes to do, he's gonna talk about something he cares about.

thatscoolkyle

This is probably the simplest yet most powerful communication tool that you can learn. It's called mirroring. As soon as you hear a key word or phrase that indicates an interest, repeat back in the form of a question. They will elaborate on their interest, at which point all you need to do is rephrase their statements in your own words or continue to ask questions based on key words and the conversation will naturally and easily flow. You will come across as a great conversationalist without the need to be witty or interesting yourself.

Example:

Stranger: You remind my drummer friend Joe. You: Drummer friend? Stranger: Yeah, we used to play in a band together. You: You're saying you used to get together and jam? Stranger: Yeah I was the guitarist, we played a few gigs. You: You played a few gigs? Cool! Stranger: It was a great experience, one time...

This applies to anything, whenever you want to have a deeper conversation with anyone.

DoneDigging

"I don't believe we've...Met. I am Zapp Brannigan, a man that destroyed an entire army of killer robots by sending wave after wave of my own men." (with a sensual smile and raise the eyebrow when you say "met")

Start every single conversation with "I think the most erotic part of a woman are the boobies"

"I'm Batman" (with a deep voice)

Say this as fast as you can, as often as you can. You will be in good company in no time.

Brannigan

The "One time I was on a plane.." story. This is how it goes:

You get a friend who already knows the story. You say, "One time I was on a plane...and there was a guy sitting next to me..." Every time you get to that part, your friend will interrupt with something completely irrelevant like, "Where were you going?" or "What was his name?" etc, forcing you to start the story over. After like 5 interruptions, your audience will start yelling at your friend to let you finish the story. Play until your audience realizes that's the entire point of the story. Moderately hilarious and works like a charm

londa_pls

I have found that most people that are poor conversation starters or participants have a conceptual problem, not a technical problem. A friend of mine was just failing at dates over and over again. Wouldn't get a second one. I asked him why and his response was "they are all just so vapid." What he didn't understand was that he went into the conversation without respect or interest for the person and they were aware of that. From there, the conversations only served to support his belief.

What he needed to do, and what did work, was he tried actually being interested in the opportunity to learn about someone new. Each person has a unique set of experiences, many of whom can enrich our own lives by sharing them. Granted, there are a lot of fucking idiots out there who do remarkably dumb shit constantly. This isn't about them. This is about people like your current friends. People who are smart, or funny, or wise, or understanding. There are more of them out there.

I know it seems kind of "well, no shit, if I could do that..." but the idea is real and it functions. If you have a fundamental respect for people and individuals and see the opportunity before you to learn and hear of their experiences and their thoughts, the conversation will follow. If you approach from this philosophy and have an honest and polite communication, conversations will be yours in abundance. The problem with predefined conversation starters and prebuilt methods is that each person is different and you're trying to create a single tool for every job.

Instead, understand the idea that conversation is reciprocal and that as much as you want to be interesting, you must also be interested in. As much as you want people to listen to you, you must also listen to. Conversation is sharing of thoughts and ideas. Sharing is not just giving them, but also receiving them.

TL;DR: My best conversation starter? To respect the person and be interested in their thoughts and experiences, communicate honestly and with respect.

Mecjam

Let them start the conversation by asking them open ended questions. Where are you from? How do you know so and so? What do you do for work. People love to talk about themselves.

If you find an evasive conversational partner, seize upon any topic they bring up and draw upon any experience/interest/background that you have that relates to that topic. It's a learned skill. Feigning genuine interest helps disarm people into talking. Showing that you are impressed by their story or involvement will get some people to open up more. I always ask for someone's advice if I can.

For instance, someone is a nutritionist I'll ask them a lob-ball question about their opinion on a low-fat, high protein diet or something. People love, I mean LOVE when you treat them as an authority. No matter what people say, they like to feel like the smartest person in the room. I'm a lawyer. I like to feel like people are looking to me for advice; it's flattering.

Use that human weakness to your advantage to both 1) flatter your conversational partner, and 2) get them talking. It's a learned skill...but once you've got it down you can usually segue into current events and get their honest opinions on X,Y,Z...then you're on your way to shedding the "stranger" title and this person may consider you a familiar face next time you meet. This is what I do...

Mfarraher

Everybody calm down, I'm an extrovert. Here are my go to questions. -Where are you from? Usually you can find something to talk about from there. Failing that, ask about their town, what's it like?, etc.

That leads nicely to -Sports. It helps to know a lot about the popular sports in your country. If you do, you can talk with a vast number of people about one of their favorite subjects. If you don't know much, slate.com often has articles to help the uninformed sound informed about big events without having to actually learn or watch anything.

-What do you do for fun? Get them to talk about themselves and hopefully find common ground. Or talk about what you are into. I don't know how many people I've asked about GoT in the past year or so. -Seen any good movies lately?/What teevee show do you like? If they don't watch either, it has been my experience that you don't want to talk to those people anyways. -Do you know any funny jokes?

Here's one: What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye-deer.

LordAwesomesauce

When does the narwhal bacon?

Go with me on this one, either you find someone as socially awkward as yourself (which, if you need to take advice from the internet, is likely the case), and then have 'broken the ice', or you seem like such a fool, you wont have to worry about talking to anyone else the rest of the night!

ClaudeKenni

If you are with people just to have a good time. and there are girls. simply ask them one of these.

option A:

do you like puppies or kittens. [puppies is the correct answer]

option B:

imagine you are walking along the side of a lake or pond. you look out on the water and equal distant from you, in either direction, is a drowning puppy and a drowning kitten. you can only save one. which one do you save? [neither of them are robotic in anyway]

there is a somewhat correct answer but i will not spoil the fun. but peoples answers are usually pretty entertaining and it breaks the ice like a champ. be ready for them to think you are a little weird for a few minutes.

alionsfeather

I'm an Attraction Coach... and I get questions like this every day. One of the best ways to meet new people and find out if that guy who is with that really hot girl is her boyfriend or just some orbiting "nice guy" who is hoping she'll sleep with him if he hangs around long enough - is to follow these instructions:

• Walk up to a group of 2 or 3 people standing in a group at the party

• Make a some short, light-hearted banter: EX - "WOW there are a ton of people in here!" or "You guys look like my kind of people." or "This is definitely the better part of this room... I'm hanging out over here." <-- The important thing to remember while saying this is that people will take this the wrong way if you don't SMILE while you say it.

• Introduce yourself to the group and then ask each person's name individually and shake their hand (or high five them if it's that kind of party)

• Checkmate them. Try asking this very simple but revealing question that no one sees coming to get them talking to you and gain control of the conversation: "How do you guys know each other?"

The best part about this - when you ask this to a girl, if she's interested in you she'll jump in a talk first before the guy(s) she's with have a chance to scare you off just to make sure that you know she's not dating either of them. After you get them talking you can play off of any of the answers they give and keep them talking.

Remember to keep things light (this is a party, after all) and don't build any deep or serious rapport unless you pair off and you're 1-on-1 with someone in a place that you won't be interrupted. Once you've done this to about 4 or 5 groups at a party, you won't be able to walk to the bathroom without people calling your name and asking you to come over to meet their friends.

joshuafit2battle

This is what Mormon missionaries were once taught for street approaches. It works really, really well at parties.

1) Ask their name, repeat it so you remember "John! Nice to meet you."

2) Pay them a sincere compliment. "Nice shoes!"

3) Say something related to the compliment, "My brother has some like that from Italy."

4) Ask a question related to your shared circumstances. "What's good from the wine list?"

5) Use their name again in your answer? "Oh, the Coppola? Thanks, John."

This gives you three conversation points to revisit.

1) The reason you came

2) The subject of the compliment

3) The advice

bakednymph

I always try to go with lame jokes. When I first met my now-husband, I knew I would like him after we told each other all the same jokes on our first date. Some favorites: What do you call a deer with no i's? How do you catch a unique rabbit? What's brown and sticky? My new favorite that I recently read: Why do mermaids wear seashells?

It might not seem like a huge conversation starter, but a lot of times if you tell a joke, then they will tell a joke too and you can find out someone's sense of humor fairly quickly. If they don't laugh at any of those gems, I usually slink away discreetly.

yaybiology

You can compliment someone on something. Make sure its genuine, and its better if it also happens to be on or related to a subject you're familiar with. I find this particularly works with women.

In the middle of small talk (occupation, school, news etc.) try to interject with a story, sharing one of your experiences or a funny story will encourage others to share similar stories as well.

I also find it to be important to be talkative as soon as you sit down or arrive at the dinner/party/bar...in a crowded scene where everyone isn't comfortable around one another, if you show up and act quiet or shy, it's easy for people to forget about you...

Good Luck! And remember to relax!

offspring89

Ask where they're from. Namely, where they grew up. No matter where it is, you will have formed some opinion on it during the course of your life.

After that, try to relate to the other person. The only way to connect with a person is to find experiences that you've shared. In order to do that, you need to be willing to make yourself somewhat vulnerable and share pieces of your life. People love

To avoid making the cadence of the conversation feel weird, avoid talking about yourself too long BUT ALSO avoid asking too many questions in a row. In general, no more than two in a row of each. That should make the conversation seem like "ME ME YOU ME YOU YOU ME YOU YOU ME ME ME" instead of "ME ME ME" or "YOU YOU YOU". It sounds artificial, but it won't be once you've made it a habit.

Key phrases "I know exactly how you feel/what you mean." "Do you know what I mean?" This will prompt the other person to relate to your experiences and force you to do the same.

Finally, I try to avoid talking about myself in the second person. Example: "You know how when you do laundry and you always forget the soap?" I'm actually talking about myself "I always forget the soap when I'm doing laundry? Do you know what I mean?"

People love passion. If someone asks what you do, tell them what you are excited about in your life. If you are not excited about anything in your life, then find a way to address that before worrying about conversation skills.

benjotron

Don't stand around and be awkward. Hear me out... Don't walk up to a group and just stand there awkwardly waiting for a chance to introduce yourself or trying to find something to contribute to the conversation. It makes them awkward and makes it a whole lot harder to integrate yourself. First impressions are everything.

Make the conversation about you. Walk up to the group with swagger and start some lighthearted banter. Be a douche (cocky, not rude) and try to override their conversation as though you're more important than whatever they were talking about. I guarantee all of their attention will be on you. Now use it effectively. Start to flow, joke a bit and engage them in your new conversation. Make fun of yourself. Anything to entertain them and make it worth their while to talk to you. Score points by being surprisingly intelligent and humble in order to counteract and disprove the douchebag impression.

If you fail, oh well. Read the group to gauge their interest.If they don't like you, too bad. Learn from your mistakes and move on. They didn't exist to you before then and will just as easily fall out of your life. Go out there and make mistakes... It's the best way to learn!

ItsAGoodDay

A little late to the party, but here's how I do it on a daily basis meeting new potential clients:

Compliment the person, on anything. You: "That's a great looking polo." Person: "thanks, need them to play golf on a daily basis." You: "nice, I play golf every weekend." (even if you don't, this has just caused a relation between the two and now are on a friend status because of how psychology works.)

Compliment

Find something out about the person

Relate to the person's likings/passions

Done.

After those steps it's all on the person and how fluid they can make the conversation. Good luck :)

Raininsky