REVEALED: Secret Yankees WhatsApp Conversation Before A-Rod's Final Game
REVEALED: Secret Yankees WhatsApp Conversation Before A-Rod's Final Game
The Yankees clubhouse can be a wild and scary place. Luckily, we were able to hack their servers and check out the chatter before A-Rod's final contest.
The Yankees clubhouse can be a wild and scary place. Luckily, we were able to hack their servers and check out the chatter before A-Rod's final contest.
CannoliJoe
Alright, fellas. This is it. We ready?
Big Tex
Yes, sir. Let's honor our friend.
The McMann
Hell yes, brother. Sending Big Al out in style.
Bigger CC
He playing today, Joe?
CannoliJoe
We'll see. We're trying to win games.
Big Tex
B-but you PROMISED!
CannoliJoe
Keep it together, Marky. Don't cry, now.
Big Tex
Crying is just the soul screaming.
The McMann
OK, dude.
Bigger CC
Say what you will about the dude, though, I'll miss him.
Big Tex
He always came up clutch.
The McMann
No he didn't...
Big Tex
Eh, I mean, compared to me, I guess everyone did.
CannoliJoe
Mark, you're batting fourth tonight.
Big Tex
Wha-what an honor! I...I won't let you down, sir! *sniff*
The McMann
Don't cry, my dude. For real.
Big Tex
Crying is just God telling you you had a good day.
Bigger CC
Seriously, though, Joe...Al IS playing, right? Yeah? He thinks he's playing.
CannoliJoe
We're just out here trying to win games.
Bigger CC
Then why am I still on the team?
The McMann
Yeah, I shouldn't be here.
Big Tex
Oh I for sure thought we were trying to lose games.
CannoliJoe
Look, I don't *do* farewell tours, OK?! And certainly not for that glorified adult rat.
YeahJeets
Really, dude? Then why did I bat second for all of 2014?
CannoliJoe
Derek, you're still here?
YeahJeets
When you guys go to sleep, I hop in here and comfort Mark.
Big Tex
Tears are the maple syrup of the eyes.
The McMann
Jesus, get me back to Atlanta.
Bigger CC
Al's texting me, Joe. If you're not gonna play him, you really gotta let him know. His daughters are coming to the ceremony.
CannoliJoe
Relax, C. He'll play...
Bigger CC
Nice.
CannoliJoe
...the world's smallest violin! He's not sniffing the field 'til Old-Timers' Day.
Bigger CC
Dammit, Joe!
Big Tex
Come on, Joe! He's my best friend!
The McMann
Have you guys ever spoken?
Big Tex
We've been in the same room.
CannoliJoe
OK. Final decision. He's not playing. Onward, gentlemen.
A-God
I'm not WHAT?!
CannoliJoe
YOU'VE been in here? The whole time?
A-God
Of course. You didn't notice the A-Rod. NO ONE notices the A-Rod. The A-Rod is stealth. The A-Rod is grace. The A-Rod is poise.
The McMann
OK, yeah, I just remembered why I hate him.
Big Tex
For sure me too.
Bigger CC
Oh, he CAN'T play.
CannoliJoe
Bad news, guys. Steinbrenner says he's in.
A-God
The A-Rod thanks you.
YeahJeets
Mark, I'll be here if you need me.